


Winter's End Redux

by Rissalena



Series: Bucky and Nora [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Soft Bucky, Soft Bucky is the best Bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 18:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 30,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20068387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rissalena/pseuds/Rissalena
Summary: So, I originally wrote this story called "Winter's End", it took me years because I kept losing steam, and it ended up being really disjointed and incomplete and just not at all the story I wanted to tell. For a while, I kind of figured that was that, it was written and I had to live with it. But then I decided, screw that, it's my story, I'm going to rewrite it if I want to. So if you've read the other one, parts of this will feel really familiar, some even word for word.Bucky Barnes is captured by Steve Rogers before he has a chance to make an assassination attempt on Nick Fury. He's brought to SHIELD where he's placed in the care of Nora Dugan, who helps him become human again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, as I mentioned in the summary, this is a rewrite of a story I'd already finished and wasn't happy with. It kind of got away from me and ended up being much longer than I'd intended, but ultimately I think that's for the best.
> 
> Also, the formatting is weird, I apologize, but I just don't have it in me to go back and try to fix it for this entire story.

When Fury summoned Nora Dugan to the medical bay aboard their helicarrier, she had no idea why. Yes, she was one of the highest ranking medical officers in SHIELD, but she was on this ship as a researcher, not a medic. Her job didn’t really involve the med bay, so she was not subtle about the look of annoyance she directed at Fury upon entering said med bay to find him there with half a dozen field agents. 

“Don’t look at me like that, Doc,” he said in exasperation. “You know I wouldn’t have called you here if I didn’t have a good reason.”

Nora had known Nick Fury a long time, pretty much her entire life. Her grandfather had once been his right hand man, her mother had been one of his top agents. No one else in SHIELD would have been able to get away with being so openly annoyed at Nick Fury, so she decided not to push her luck.

She turned to look at the other men in the room, all in tactical gear and armed to the teeth.

“Are we expecting trouble?” she asked.

“I hope not,” Fury sighed. “Have you ever heard of the Winter Soldier?”

She spun back around to face him. There were rumors of a secret assassin credited with dozens of kills over the last 50 years, but she’d always been skeptical. She nodded.

“We’ve captured him,” Fury continued. “He’s being brought here, we need someone to see to his injuries. Our regular medics don’t have security clearance for this one. Nora …” he hesitated. “It’s James Barnes.”

Nora’s eyes went wide. “Does Steve know?” 

Fury nodded. “He’s the one bringing him in.”

Nora considered that. “Do we have any idea what to expect here?”

“No,” Fury said shortly. “As best we’ve been able to tell, he’s been completely brainwashed; he has no idea who he is. Based on Steve’s original reports from 1944, we think Hydra experimented on him when he was in their custody. Whatever they did to him helped him survive that fall. He’s enhanced. Whoever he ended up working for after the war has some means of controlling him, we don’t know what, but we think they’ve been using cryogenics to keep him alive.” 

Nora just nodded. She’d heard a lot of stories about Bucky Barnes. Some from Steve, but most from her grandfather. He’d been a Howling Commando with Bucky, and he loved to tell stories. Most of his Bucky stories were about what a hero Bucky had been, and it was hard for Nora to reconcile those stories with the rumors she’d heard of the Winter Soldier.

“And the room full of armed guards?” She asked

“We don’t know if he’s hostile.” Fury said. “Someone’s been controlling him, and I don’t know how that control works. There’s a good chance he’ll wake up and assume hostility.”

“He’s guaranteed to assume hostility if he wakes up and sees half a dozen men pointing guns at him,” she said pointedly.

“Nora,” Fury sighed, “please don’t fight me on this. It’s for your safety.”

“Fine,” she said, “But I want them out of the way, no weapons get drawn unless he attacks. And I don’t want Steve in here. He’s too emotionally invested in this.” Fury just nodded.

Moments later Steve Rogers appeared in the doorway, an unconscious man thrown over his shoulder. The guards in the room helped him gently deposit the man onto the bed, and Fury ushered Steve out of the room. 

Nora looked at her patient, and her heart wrenched. She recognized his face from the photos her grandfather had shown her, but he was bulkier now, his hair longer, and even unconscious, there was a tension in him. She removed his jacket and shirt to begin work on his injuries, but paused as she examined his shoulder and metal arm. She felt a wave of sympathy wash over her as she gently ran her fingers over the line of raw skin where the metal arm had been attached. Whoever had done this had clearly not been concerned with patient comfort, and her gut clenched when she thought about all the other things that must have been done to him.

She got to work stitching up his wounds, all but the worst of them had already started to heal. She was just putting the last stitch in when she saw his eyes flutter open, and he turned his head to look at her. She felt the other agents in the room tense up as soon as he woke, and out of the corner of her eye she noticed one of the agents slowly reaching for his gun. This was exactly the situation she’d wanted to avoid. She held a hand up to the approaching agent, who hesitated, but backed down. The Winter Soldier hadn’t moved, just lay still, eyes glued to Nora, and she felt confident that the moment of danger had passed. 

She cleaned up her tools and hit a button to incline the bed to a sitting position, bringing a stool over as she did. Apparently deciding she wasn’t a threat, the Winter Soldier finally took his eyes off her long enough to regard the stitches running across his abdomen. He brushed his fingers over the wound, and looked back at Nora in suspicion. 

“It doesn’t hurt. Why doesn’t it hurt?” he asked curtly.

“I … I gave you something for the pain,” she replied in confusion.

“Why?” he asked again.

“Because I don’t want you to be in pain,” she said with sympathy.

He looked almost baffled, but pulled his eyes off her again to look around the room at the armed agents. She could feel him tensing as he took each one in, the agents responding in kind, until he relaxed when he felt a soft hand on his shoulder. 

He turned back to her and met her eyes, some of the tension melting out of him at her gentle touch. No one had ever touched him gently before, and while part of him welcomed it, another part of him wanted to push her away, to prove that he didn’t need it. The two sides remained at an impasse. Instead, he and Nora stared at each other, each one waiting to see what the other would do, until she finally broke contact, sweeping her gaze over the other men in the room.

Sighing, she pulled out her cell phone, hit “Fury” on her list of contacts, and typed:  _ Can you call off your dogs? I have the situation under control, they’re just going to make things worse. _ She hit send and looked back to Bucky. He was still looking at her, though this time with less suspicion, and she offered him a small smile. He didn’t return it. 

A motion from one of the agents forced her to look up again, and she sighed in relief as she saw the telltale sign of someone receiving orders in a hidden earpiece and the agent gave his team the signal to retreat. 

“Finally,” she breathed as the last agent left the room. Crossing to the closed door, she locked it and made her way back to her stool next to the bed.

“My name is Nora,” she said, extending her hand. He looked down at her hand, back up at her, then pointedly looked away. She sighed, but didn’t push it. “It’s nice to meet you, James.”

He looked back at her again in suspicion and confusion, but didn’t say anything. He shifted in his bed, and she saw him wince slightly as the movement pulled at his stitches. 

“Have the painkillers worn off?” she asked. His silence was all the answer she needed. “They wore off a lot faster than I expected them to. You probably have enhanced metabolism. Would you let me run some tests to find out?”

His jaw clenched at the word “test”, his metal hand immediately balling into a fist. He knew he shouldn’t have let himself relax, of course she wanted to run tests on him, that’s what doctors did, he was never anything more than an experiment. The tension crept up his arms into his shoulders, his jaw clenching tighter and his other hand forming a fist as well, when he again felt that soft touch on his shoulder and everything relaxed.

“James,” she said gently, “I won’t if you don’t want me to. I promise, ok? I’m not going to hurt you, I just want to draw some blood. But if you really don’t want me to, I won’t.”

There was so much honesty in her face, such a soothing touch of her hand on his shoulder, that he found he could not deny her. He nodded and extended his right arm out to her. 

“Run whatever tests you want.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is completely touch starved.

A short while later, his blood had been drawn, she’d done her best to make him as comfortable as possible, and she was just waiting for the computer to catch up with the blood analyzer and give her his test results. After what felt like an eternity, she finally saw the window pop up on her laptop and she sat down to go over the results. Another wave of sympathy hit her as she realized the implications of what she was seeing, and she moved back over to the stool next to the bed. He didn’t look at her as she sat down.

“Can I ask you some questions?”

For a moment she thought he was going to continue to ignore her, but finally he turned to face her, nodding silently. 

“Did they give you injections every day?” she asked, a knot starting to form in her stomach. 

“Usually after every mission,” he said with a nod. “If the mission went well, the drugs they gave me usually just made me feel tired. I’d go right to sleep.”

“And if the mission wasn’t successful?” she asked cautiously.

“They were always successful,” he said shortly, “but sometimes they didn’t like how I handled things. Those drugs …” he didn’t finish, but his jaw clenched and his eyes went distant and that told her enough. 

“It’s ok, you don’t have to talk about it,” she said. He nodded and closed his eyes, trying to force himself to forget.

They sat for a moment in silence, until he finally opened his eyes back up and looked at her. He was adept at reading certain facial expressions: fear, anger, even confusion, he knew what those looked like in a person’s eyes. But he was completely unused to concern, compassion, sympathy. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he eventually asked.

“I’m sorry,” she said with a sigh, “I think you’re probably going to start experiencing withdrawal symptoms.”

The knot in her stomach tightened at the look of resignation that passed over his face. It was like he’d been expecting the pain to return at any moment, like the past hour had been nothing more than a brief reprieve before he was forced back into suffering.

“I’ll stay with you, ok?” she said, and he narrowed his eyes, but said nothing.

She stood and began moving around the lab, placing a bucket next to his bed and a blanket at his feet. She sat back down next to him and they stayed for a while in silence. Eventually, she noticed him begin to tense up, his arms wrapping around himself as the chills started to set in. She stood and unfolded the blanket, laying it over him and sitting back down, resting her hands on the edge of the bed. He relaxed a little, and rolled onto his side, closing his eyes. Nora tried to hide her shock when she felt him slip his hand under hers and grip it tentatively. She squeezed back and his grip tightened as she gently rubbed her thumb across the back of his hand. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, touch seemed to comfort him, so she leaned forward and lightly ran her fingers through his hair. More of the tension immediately melted out of him, and so she sat there, for so long she lost track of time, holding his hand and running her fingers through his hair. 

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

She wasn’t sure at what point she had fallen asleep, but the next thing Nora knew it was morning, and she woke to the feeling of a hand on her shoulder.  She sat up and took in her surroundings ,  eyes finally coming to rest on the man in the bed. He looked better. His blue eyes were clearer, more of the tension was gone, but he was regarding her with that same look of confusion and suspicion he’d given her the night before.

“You’re still here,” he said, almost accusingly. “Why?’

She combed her fingers through her hair and stretched, forcing the last traces of sleepiness away. “I didn’t want you to wake up alone. Or with a stranger here.”

“What does it matter to you?” he finally asked, giving voice to the question he’d been wanting to ask since they first brought him in.

“James,” she said, hesitating, not sure what the right answer was, “I know it’s not something you’re used to, being taken care of. But …” she hesitated again, “I just feel like you must have been through so much pain and suffering, I want to give you whatever comfort I can, however small it may be. Has no one ever shown you compassion before?”

“Compassion?” he said bitterly, “I’m a soldier. Compassion is for the weak. I don’t need it”. 

She sighed, “Well, you’ll excuse me if I show it to you anyway.”

He looked away as she stood up, tidying the med lab and pulling the blanket off him. She tossed in the laundry bin and turned back to face him. 

“We’ve set up a room for you here.” Fury had updated her the night before.. “I’ll have an agent escort you there, you can shower and get comfortable. I’m going to check in with our director, Nick Fury, and then I’m going to come and see you. But I want you to know that you’re not our prisoner. If you want to leave, tell me now, and we’ll find a place to drop you off.”

He considered that for a moment. “What will happen to me if I stay here?”

“I don’t know,” she replied honestly. “You’re a risk. But we won’t do anything to hurt you, I promise. Unless you give us a reason. I know that’s not a great offer, but I guarantee it’s better than what you’ll get if you go back to whoever you were working for before.”

He stood up from the bed, taking a moment to assess himself and the situation. For the first time since he could remember, he felt in control of himself. 

“I’ll stay.”

Nora smiled at him, and unlocked the door to speak to the man standing guard outside. Bucky couldn’t hear what she was saying, but he recognized the interaction. She was giving the man an order, and Bucky was surprised to see the woman who, just the night before, had been so gentle with him, giving orders in a manner that clearly brooked no argument.

The agent made a motion for Bucky to follow him, and Nora watched as the two men made their way down the hall. Once they were out of sight, she went the opposite direction, heading for Fury’s office. As she walked she considered what she was going to say to him, ultimately deciding to just be completely honest.

She knocked on the office door and Nick answered, stepping aside to let her into the room. He sat at his desk, she took up the chair opposite, and took a deep breath.

“Well?” he asked.

“Bucky’s still in there,” she said.

Fury quirked an eyebrow. “What does that mean?”

“He could have tried to escape at any point last night. He could have refused to answer my questions, he could have pushed me away, but he didn’t do any of those things. He wants to be here. He wants our help” Fury looked unconvinced.

“Nick, trust me on this, please. You know my instincts on people are usually right, and my instincts say that James Barnes is not a threat. He’s a victim. Please, Nick, let me help him.”

Fury sighed. “Alright. I trust your instincts, more than I trust most other intel. He’ll stay here. But I want him confined to the residential area of the ship for now, ok?”

Nora nodded, and stood. “Thank you.”

“Have him come see me in an hour,” Fury said. “I would like to talk to him myself.”


	4. Chapter 4

Nora detoured to her own rooms before going to see Bucky. She needed to shower and change, and just take a minute to think about what she was going to say to him. She was nervous about it. He was in such a fragile emotional state, she didn’t want to say the wrong thing. And the more she learned about him, the more her heart broke for him.

She lingered in the shower, but eventually forced herself out, dressing quickly and heading to Bucky’s room. It wasn’t far; the residential area of the ship wasn’t really that big. Most of the crew stayed in barracks-style accommodations in another part of the helicarrier. The area deemed “residential” was really only occupied by herself, Fury, Hill, and a few other high ranking agents. And now Bucky. 

She dismissed the agent standing guard outside his door when she arrived, thankful that he didn’t try to insist on staying, “for her safety”. She was already sick of having that fight. She knocked on the door, and Bucky opened it, freshly showered and wearing the tee shirt and sweatpants that was all she’d been able to muster up in his size on short notice.

“May I come in?” Nora asked, and couldn’t tell if Bucky was genuinely trying to decide whether or not to let her in, or just putting on a show of it. Eventually he stepped aside, gesturing for her to come in, and shut the door behind her.

“Thank you. Sit with me,” Nora requested as she took a seat in one of the two armchairs sat facing each other in a corner of the room.

Bucky sat across from her, his face locked into his trademark neutral expression.

“I know that you don’t want to talk about it, but I have to ask you about your past, who you worked for. What do you remember?”  
He was quiet for a long time, and she could see him trying to decide how much he wanted to tell her. Finally, he spoke. 

“My past is …” he struggled. “Mostly I remember waking up. I know I’ve had training, I’ve learned to fight, shoot, all those things. But most of what I remember is just waking up. Some man gives me my mission, just a face and a location. I don’t know who it is. It feels like I’ve done it before, but I can’t quite remember. Sometimes things seem familiar, but I don’t know why. I don’t know who the people are, they just tell me what to do. Sometimes I try not to obey them, but ...”. 

He closed his eyes and leaned forward as he spoke, putting his elbows on his knees and wringing his hands together. 

“James,” Nora said, reaching over to put her hand over his. His eyes flew open in surprise at the contact, his hands jerking back.

He was quiet for a moment, then spoke again. “You keep calling me James.”

“That’s your name,” Nora replied.

“How do you know?”

“I know someone, well, a couple of people, in fact, that knew you before. Before you were the Winter Soldier.”

“James…” he said, drawing it out, testing the sound. “That doesn’t feel right.”

“You mostly went by ‘Bucky’”. 

He looked up in surprise. “That man that I fought yesterday, he called me Bucky. Is he one of the people that knew me before?”

Nora nodded. “His name is Steve Rogers. Does that sound familiar?”

He shook his head, but she could see him struggling to remember. 

“Nick Fury, the man that runs this organization, would like to talk to you. Will you come with me to his office?”

“Why does he want to talk to me?” Bucky asked. He didn’t like the direction this was going. Talking to Nora was one thing, she was safe, but if this man was like the man that ran the other organization he’d been with … Bucky didn’t think he wanted to talk to that man.

“He’ll probably ask you the same thing I asked you; he’ll want to know about the organization you used to work for.” She offered Bucky a small smile. “It’ll be ok. He likes to intimidate people, but underneath, he’s a good man. Just be honest with him, everything will be fine.”

Bucky just nodded, following Nora as she stood and walked out the door towards Fury’s office. Nora had sensed Bucky’s initial reluctance to talk to Fury, but as she glanced over at him in the hall, she didn’t see a trace of nervousness. He just walked on, back straight, eyes forward, like the soldier he’d been trained to be.

They reached the office and Nora stopped, turning to Bucky before knocking on the door. “He’ll want to speak to you alone, but I’ll be right out here, ok?”

He nodded, and she knocked on the door. After a moment, Fury opened it and Bucky stepped inside. 

“Doc,” Fury said to her in acknowledgement. “I’ll have an agent escort him back when we’re done.”

“I’ll wait,” she said. “I told Bucky I would.” Please don’t fight me on this, Nick, she tried to plead with her eyes.

Bucky turned back to her at the mention of his nickname, and she thought she saw the slightest spark of life in his blue eyes. Fury watched the silent exchange between them, not saying anything. She hoped Nick would recognize the importance of earning Bucky’s trust, and breathed a small sigh of relief when he nodded and closed the door.


	5. Chapter 5

After what felt like forever, but was probably only about half an hour, Fury opened the door, closing it again as Bucky stepped out into the hallway.

“How did it go?” Nora asked nonchalantly as they made their way back to his room.

“Fine.” he replied, and Nora thought that would be the end of it. She was surprised when he continued. “You were right, I was honest and it was fine. He asked me some questions about who I worked for and how they operated. I mostly just told him what I’d told you. I think he was disappointed that I couldn’t tell him more.”

They reached his room and she stopped in front of his door. She wanted to hear about the rest of his conversation with Fury, but she didn’t want to push. Bucky reached for the door and opened it, surprising her by stepping aside to let her in. 

She smiled, asking, “Are you inviting me in?”

“I thought you’d like to hear about the rest of our conversation.” He said matter-of-factly.

“I would, thank you.”

They crossed to the chairs in the corner, sitting in them as they had earlier in the day. She leaned back and waited, trusting he’d continue when he was ready.

“He told me that he didn’t think he could trust me, and I told him I didn’t blame him for that. But then he told me that you did trust me, and that was enough for him.” For the first time since she’d met him, he looked at her with something other than suspicion in his eyes.

“Thank you,” he said simply.

“You’re welcome”, she replied, smiling. “Fury wants you to stick to the residential area of the ship for now, but there’s a gym here, and a full kitchen. Do you like to read?”

“I don’t know.” he replied. “I mean, I know how to read, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually just read a book.”

“Ok, well, I’ll bring you a bunch to try and you can decide if you like it.”

“Thank you”, he said again simply. He brushed his hair out of his face, and it gave her a thought.

“Would you like me to cut your hair”? She asked tentatively. 

He didn’t say anything. He simply regarded her silently for a moment, finally nodding his agreement. She held up her hand to indicate she’d be right back, and ran to her own room down the hall to grab a pair of scissors. Returning to his room, she saw he’d left the door open for her, so she walked in and gestured for him to sit. Moving to stand behind him, she began to comb her fingers through his hair. He relaxed, closing his eyes and tipping his head back. Seeing him take comfort in it, she simply ran her fingers through his hair for a moment, watching his face relax and more of the tension ease out of his body. She eventually picked up the scissors and began cutting chunks of hair, moving methodically around his head, trying to keep it close to the style she’d seen him wear in the pictures her grandfather had shown her. She stepped back once she was done, putting the scissors down on a nearby table.

“Do you want to look in the mirror?” She asked, gesturing to the bathroom door.

He stood slowly, actually nervous at the prospect of seeing his reflection. He’d only seen glimpses of himself reflected in windows and doors, and always felt like the person staring back at him was a stranger. He wasn’t sure what would happen when he looked at himself fully in the mirror. 

He took the two strides to the bathroom and paused. She sensed his hesitation and moved to put her hand on his arm encouragingly. He steeled himself and walked in, finally looking at himself. She saw him relax as he ran his fingers through his hair, recognizing the man being reflected back for the first time.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day, Nora returned to her lab, deciding to give Bucky the morning to himself. By early afternoon she was barely able to focus on her work, and finally gave up and headed to Bucky’s room. He answered her knock immediately, stepping aside to let her in with none of the distrust or reluctance of the previous day.

“I have something for you.” She said, handing him the object she had tucked under her arm. 

“What is this?” he asked as he investigated it, easily finding the power button and turning it on. Nora noted to herself that he wasn’t as technologically deficient as she’d expected him to be.

“It’s an e-reader,” she said. “You read by swiping through the pages like this.” She showed him how to brush his finger across the screen to turn the page. “It holds thousands of books at a time. Turns out, we don’t actually have any physical books on the helicarrier.”

He swiped back to the title page of the book she had selected. “The Maltese Falcon,” he said, reading the title aloud. 

“I wasn’t sure what genre you liked, so I figured I’d start here. I have it on good authority that you liked this book when you were younger.” She smiled at him.

“I’ve never read this book,” he said, a trace of frustration coming through his voice.

Nora’s smile turned sad. “You have. You just don’t remember.”

They stood in silence for a moment, neither knowing what to say, until Nora finally spoke up again. “Come on, let’s go find something to eat.”

They made their way to the kitchen and Nora made them some ham and cheese sandwiches. Knowing what she did of his enhanced metabolism, she made Bucky three sandwiches, handing them to him with a jug of water. They sat at a table in the eating area, and ate quietly. 

“What did you do with yourself this morning?” she asked conversationally.

“I worked out,” he replied curtly. She’d given him a tour of the residential area the day before, and their first stop had been the gym. She nodded, not really knowing what else to say, and they spent the rest of the meal in silence. Eventually they finished eating, and Nora stood to clear their empty plates, dropping them in the dishwasher. She walked Bucky back to his room, and stopped at the door. 

“Thank you for having lunch with me.” she said, and almost, almost thought she saw his lips quirk. “Can I come back tomorrow afternoon?”

He nodded, and she smiled at him and left.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

She returned the following afternoon as promised, knocking on his door and smiling at him when he again answered immediately. 

They took their now customary seats in the corner armchairs, and much to Nora’s astonishment, Bucky began the conversation.

“I read The Maltese Falcon.”

“The whole thing?” she said in surprise and he nodded. “Did you like it?”

“I did. Have you read it?” He’d never engaged her in conversation like this before, and she was struggling not to let the surprise show on her face.

“I haven’t,” she said, shaking her head. “What’s it about?”

He gave her a recap of the plot, and talked a little bit about his thoughts on it. 

“You know, if I’d known you were going to want to talk about it, I would have given you a book I’ve read,” she told him.

“So give me a book you’ve read now. I’ve already finished this one anyway.” His face remained as neutral and impassive as ever, but there was something in his voice that sounded almost hopeful.

She smiled at him. “Okay,” she said, reaching for the e-reader and typing in a title to download. “Let’s try this one, it’s the first book of a series. If you don’t like it, that’s fine, I don’t know that epic fantasy is the kind of fiction a master assassin super soldier would like to read. So we can pick something else if you want.”

Bucky shook his head. “No, I want to read a book you like.”

That was a hell of an olive branch from him, and Nora understood the importance of it. She handed him back the e-reader and stood up. 

“Ok, get reading. I’ll be back tomorrow,” she said, and headed out the door.


	7. Chapter 7

Nora arrived at Bucky’s door the next day at what was becoming her usual time, and before she even had a chance to knock, Bucky was opening the door. 

“I heard you coming,” he said, seeing the look of surprise on her face. “You’ve been here enough times for me to recognize your footsteps.” Nora had to remind herself that he was the world’s deadliest assassin. Those were the kinds of things the world’s deadliest assassin listened for. And he  _ did _ have enhanced hearing. 

She just shrugged and took a seat in one of the armchairs. “Ok, so, epic fantasy. What did you think.”

Nora had initially felt a little embarrassed at her choice of book; fantasy novels weren’t exactly the kind of books doctors and SHIELD agents read. But as soon as Bucky started talking about it, she was so glad she’d suggested it. He liked the characters, was interested in the story, and spoke almost excitedly as they talked about it. He’d still yet to crack a smile, but after an hour of talking about the book, he was more at ease than she’d ever seen him. 

“I’m glad you liked it.” she said when they’d run out of things to say about it. “I was afraid you were going to think it was silly.”

He shook his head. “Definitely not silly.” He handed her the e-reader, almost shyly, and asked “Can you get the next book for me?”

She smiled and stood, moving to sit on the arm of his chair. He instinctively tensed up at her closeness, then felt guilty when he saw the smile drop off her face. She started to stand up, but he grabbed her arm gently, pulling her back down. He was unable to vocalize his apology, but she saw it on his face.

“Let me show you how to get books on here yourself, that way you can just start the next one as soon as you finish.” He nodded, and she showed him how to search for a title and download the ones he wanted. By the time she left that day, he’d downloaded the rest of the series and was already starting on the second book. 

They spent the rest of the week in a similar routine. Every afternoon, Nora would visit Bucky and they’d discuss the book he’d read. It was late afternoon, a little over a week after he’d been brought to SHIELD, and they were talking about the final book in the series. 

“He’s one of my favorite characters,” Nora said, responding to Bucky’s comment about one particular interaction in the book. “He reminds me of a character from my favorite video game.”

“What’s a video game?” Bucky asked.

“It’s … it’s kind of hard to explain. Like a movie, almost, except you control one of the characters.”

“How?” he asked, a look of mild confusion on his face. Nora almost smiled at the confused look. The more time he spent with her, the more he actually let his emotions show on his face. Confusion was a new one. 

“Why don’t I just show you?” she suggested, standing up and gesturing for him to follow her. 

She led him out the door of his own room and down the hall, stopping in front of her door. She unlocked it using the keypad to the right of the handle, and Bucky noticed that she did not try to hide her key code from him as she entered it. While part of him registered that it was irresponsible of her to give him such easy access to her room, the other part of him realized that it meant she trusted him, and he was surprised to find that it made him feel … well, he wasn’t exactly sure. But he felt something, and it was a first.

Nora opened the door and stepped inside, holding it open for Bucky to follow. He’d never been in her room before; it felt more lived in than his own. She had a sofa and coffee table, a small television with some other electronics he didn’t recognize, and a smattering of other comforts like candles, an electric tea kettle, etc. He liked it. 

“Come on, I’ll show you what a video game is,” she said, sitting on the sofa and picking up a controller. He sat next to her, and she turned on the tv and gaming system. She’d been in the middle of a futuristic battle game, but given Bucky’s enthusiasm for the book series she’d introduced him to, she decided fantasy RPG was the way to go, and selected a game. 

“Just follow the directions,” she said handing him the controller. The character creator screen loaded and she explained his options to him; he surprised her by choosing to play a mage. He made his character look mostly like himself, and then started the game. Nora was not surprised that he picked it up quickly, easily adjusting to the mechanics and even the role playing nature of the game. She realized it might be a good therapy tool, a way to get him out of his head a little bit. He played for a couple of hours, and as the evening went on, she saw him relax more and more. 

Eventually, he handed the controller back to her. “It looked like you were in the middle of another game, you can play yours if you want.”

“You don’t mind just watching me play?” she asked as she took the controller back from him. 

“You’ve been watching me play for hours.”

She smiled and nodded, loading up the game she’d been playing recently. It was a first person shooter; she had specifically not chosen it for Bucky because she was worried it might hit a little too close to home. She had some concerns about him even watching her play, but they proved to be unfounded. He leaned forward with interest as she completed a few missions, occasionally asking her questions about the game.

“You’re really good at this,” he commented after one particularly tough battle, and she laughed. 

“I guess all the years of hands on lab work has given me good hand-eye coordination.”

“Have you ever had training using real guns?” he asked, genuinely curious.

She shook her head. “It’s not required training for non-combatants. I’ve always wanted to learn, but it just hasn’t been a priority, I suppose.”

He considered that for a moment. “I could teach you,” he finally said, so quietly she almost didn’t hear him. 

She looked up at him in surprise, and he immediately looked away. “I mean, if that’s something you’d be interested in,” he mumbled.

“I would love that,” she replied, and he brought his eyes back up to look at her. He wasn’t quite smiling, but there was a look of gratification on his face.

“I need to get you clearance for the shooting range,” she continued. “But I’m sure Fury will approve it. Do you want to start tomorrow?”

He nodded, standing up and heading for the door. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said when he reached it, and she smiled at him as he left. 


	8. Chapter 8

“Absolutely not!” Fury practically shouted at Nora, who had just made her request that Bucky be given clearance for the shooting range. She sighed. 

“If he wanted to hurt me, he could have done so a thousand times already, he doesn’t need access to guns for that.” The look Fury shot back at her told her that might not have been her best argument. 

“Nick,” she continued, “this is important. I think he’s looking for a way to … I don’t know, say thank you, for helping him. This is the only way he knows how. He’s got good intentions with this, I know he does.”

Fury just shook his head, but Nora pressed on. “You trust my instincts, remember? I wasn’t wrong about him before, and I’m not wrong about him now.”

It was rare for Nora to so strongly go to bat for someone, and Fury recognized that. He relented.

“Fine, but I want another agent in there with you.” 

Nora shook her head, holding her ground. “That will make him nervous. He trusts me, Nick, and that’s a big deal for him. I can’t compromise that trust.” 

Nick Fury was a perceptive man, and he knew when a fight was lost. “Fine. Fine,” he said in frustration. “Lock yourself in a room with an unstable master assassin and a selection of guns. I love this plan.”

“Me too,” Nora replied with a cheeky grin, making sure to watch over Fury’s shoulder as he authorized Bucky for clearance. He glared at her with his one good eye, and her grin grew even cheekier. Fury was practically her godfather, and she only took advantage of that on the rarest of occasions.

“Thanks, Nick,” she said sweetly, and headed out of his office towards the residential wing. 

As usual, Bucky opened the door before she even had a chance to knock. His face and body language radiated uncertainty, but he relaxed a little when he saw the smile on Nora’s face.

“Did Fury approve?” he asked, fighting to keep his tone neutral.

Nora nodded. “Yup, let’s go.”

They made their way to the elevator, and as the doors closed Nora could feel Bucky’s continued anxiety. 

“What’s wrong?” she finally asked him. 

“He’s really okay with letting me alone with you in a room full of guns? You’re really okay with that?” he asked, the second question seeming to carry more weight than the first. 

She turned to face him, touching his arm to indicate she wanted him to look at her. “I trust you, Bucky. I don’t think you’re going to try anything, I trust you not to hurt me.”

He furrowed his brow, but nodded, turning back to face the door as he considered what she’d said. He would never hurt her, she was right about that, he just hadn’t expected her to have such total faith in him. He felt that same, unnameable feeling he’d felt the day before when she had let him into her room. 

Before he had a chance to contemplate it further, the elevator stopped and the doors opened. Nora led him down the hall, stopping at a non-descript door with a fingerprint scanner. She put her hand on the scanner and it flashed green; she prompted him to do the same. He felt a momentary anxiety that it wouldn’t let him in, and breathed a small sigh of relief when the scanner flashed green again and he heard the door click open. 

They entered the shooting range, closing the door behind them, and Nora turned to Bucky.    
  


“Ok,” she said with a smile. “It’s your show now. What first?”

He led her over to the wall of weapons, surveying the options.

“Have you fired a gun ever in your life?” he asked, assessing her height, weight, and probable strength.

She shook her head and he picked up a small pistol. “We’ll start small, then.”

He led her over to the targets and handed her the gun. “I want to see what your base skill level is. Just take a shot.”

She looked at him a little nervously, but took the gun from him and pointed it at the target. Taking a deep breath, she tried to steady her arm as much as possible, lined up the shot, and pulled the trigger. She missed the target completely. She did manage to hit the target two to the left of the one she’d been aiming for, and she was about to hang her head in utter defeat when she heard the unmistakable sound of laughter from behind her. She put the gun down and spun around, and her heart nearly stopped when she saw Bucky looking at her, his hand on his chest, laughing. 

His face turned serious as soon as she looked at him. “I’m sorry”, he said quickly, “I shouldn’t laugh, it was your first try.”

She shook her head. “No, it’s really ok. I’ve never heard you laugh before. It’s worth a little embarrassment.”

He smiled back at her, actually smiled, and she thought her heart might burst. A quiet voice in the back of her head told her she was becoming too emotionally attached to her patient, but she was too caught up in Bucky’s smile to listen to that voice. 

“Let’s try that again,” he said, taking a step towards her. She turned and picked the gun back up, and felt Bucky put his hands on her shoulders. “You have to brace for the recoil,” he said.

“Now you tell me,” she said with a laugh, and her heart swelled again when she felt him chuckle behind her. 

He showed her how to brace her shoulders and line up her shot, reaching one arm around her to place his hand over hers on the gun. Of all the things she should have felt in that situation, she was surprised to realize that the overwhelming feeling was safety. The world’s deadliest assassin was currently looming over her, his hand on her gun, and all she felt was safe. 

“Ok,” he said, letting go of the gun but keeping his hands on her shoulders. “Try it again.”

She pulled the trigger and this time the bullet hit the mark. She turned her head to look at him, a huge smile painted across her face. 

“Good,” he said encouragingly. “Now, try it without me”, and he took a step back. 

It felt different without him supporting her, but she braced her shoulders, lined up the shot, and fired. It wasn’t quite as good a shot as the previous one, but it was damn close, and she let out a small cheer of victory. 

“You’re a natural,” Bucky said, a tinge of pride in his voice.

“Nah, I just have a good teacher,” she said, and he smiled at her again. 

They practiced for a bit, Nora growing in confidence at the day went on. Eventually they called it quits, Bucky promising the next day he’d show Nora how to use a shotgun. And so began their new routine. Afternoons were spent in the shooting range, evenings were spent talking about books or playing video games. Bucky became more relaxed with Nora, smiled more frequently, and Nora struggled to maintain the professional distance that voice in the back of her head kept nagging her about.


	9. Chapter 9

A couple of weeks later, Nora was woken in the middle of the night by a knock on her door. Opening it sleepily, her confusion immediately changed to concern when she saw the patrol agent standing in front of her.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, immediately assuming her professional voice.

The agent looked a little sheepish. “I’m sorry to disturb you, ma’am, and it might be nothing. But I was patrolling the residential wing and I heard noises coming from Sergeant Barnes’s room. I couldn’t make them out, exactly, but I thought it best to let you know.”

“Thank you, you did the right thing,” she said. “I’ll go see what’s happening.”

“Would you like me to accompany you?” the agent asked. Not everyone on the helicarrier knew about Bucky, but most who did were at least mildly distrustful of him. 

“No, I’ll be fine,” she said in a tone that made it clear that the topic was not open for debate. 

The agent looked unconvinced but knew better than to argue with her, and he left to continue his patrol as Nora went the other direction towards Bucky’s room. She reached his door and listened for a moment, her heart wrenching as she realized he was having a nightmare. She hesitated, not knowing what was the right thing to do. They’d grown closer, but this felt like an invasion of his privacy. She stood there for a moment, listening to him cry out in his sleep, before finally deciding she couldn’t let him suffer alone. She entered her override code on the keypad of his door and quietly slipped in, locking it behind her. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she gently ran her fingers through his hair, hoping the tried and true method of relaxing him would work this time, too. For a moment, she thought it had worked, his cries quieting and some of the tension easing out of him, when his eyes shot open and he grabbed her. Not even seeing her, he threw her down, pinning her shoulders to the bed with his super strength as his eyes darted around the room. She struggled to remain calm. 

“Bucky, look at me. It’s just me, it’s Nora,” she said forcing her voice to remain even.

He finally met her eyes, and the recognition hit him like a punch. He immediately let go, turning away from her and swinging his legs off the side of the bed. 

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, his voice breaking slightly. 

“It’s ok,” she said as she moved to sit beside him, putting her hand on his back. “I’m ok. You were having a nightmare.”

“You shouldn’t have tried to wake me,” he said, almost angry. “I could have killed you.” She could feel his muscles tensing under her hand, but he hadn’t pulled away, so she moved her hand softly up and down his back. 

“But you didn’t,” she said quietly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head, and she nodded. They sat silently for a moment, her hand on his back a calming influence, something gentle for him to focus on. Eventually he brought his eyes up to look at her, and before he even realized what he was doing, he wrapped his arms around her and leaned his head onto her shoulder. She gasped slightly in surprise, but immediately returned the gesture, her arm tightening around him and her other hand moving to run through his hair. He didn’t cry, he just held her, and she whispered to him as she held him. 

“You’re safe now. You don’t have to go back to that life ever again,” she said softly, and felt him take a shaky breath as his grip on her tightened. She continued to brush her fingers through his hair and she felt him relax against her. 

After a time he pulled away, avoiding her eyes as he stood and crossed over to the window. 

“I’m sorry I disturbed you,” he said shortly, retreating back in on himself. 

“Don’t apologize. You didn’t disturb me,” she said, standing. She could feel him pulling away from her, and she wasn’t sure how to stop it. “I’m always here for you, whenever you need me.”

He looked back up at her, his feelings warring with themselves. He’d allowed himself to get close to her, to be vulnerable with her, and he was suddenly angry at himself for it. Vulnerability was dangerous, trust was dangerous. But he couldn’t stop thinking about how peaceful he’d felt with her hand on his back, her fingers running through his hair. 

He opened his mouth to speak, to tell her that he didn’t need her, but found he couldn’t quite bring himself to say it. He closed his mouth again, confusion written all over his face.

“It’s ok,” she said, a little sadly, and he felt a pang in his chest as she headed for the door. She reached for the handle and turned back to look at him one last time. “I mean it, Bucky. I’m here, always.”

He just nodded, and she left. He got back in bed, closing his eyes and willing himself to forget the feeling of her in his arms. He didn’t succeed, and instead went to sleep thinking about nice it felt to be comforted by someone he trusted. 


	10. Chapter 10

Bucky woke up the next morning feeling a sense of peace he couldn’t remember ever having felt before. He was unused to trusting people, and he couldn’t decide if the risk was worth the reward. He headed for the gym and tried to lose himself in his workout. He focused so intently on not thinking about Nora that he lost track of time, and was startled by a noise in the doorway. He looked up to see Nora there, a subdued look on her face.

“I went by your room to see if you wanted to go to the shooting range,” she said, her voice carefully neutral. 

“Not today,” he said curtly, refusing to look at her. 

She fought not to let her emotions show on her face or in her voice. She was good at keeping her emotions hidden, she always had been. It had never been this difficult before. 

“Let me know if you change your mind,” she said, and left. 

Bucky tried to bring his focus back on to his workout, but her momentary presence had brought her to the forefront of his mind. He closed his eyes and thought back to the night before, how gentle she had been with him, how genuinely concerned, and he started to feel guilty. Abandoning his workout, he left the gym and made his way back to his room, his thoughts now completely preoccupied with Nora. He was so distracted, so completely unaware of his surroundings, he didn’t notice the men in his room until he’d locked the door behind him. The last thought he had as the tranquilizer took affect was the fear of never seeing Nora again. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He woke up groggy, in the same chair he’d been waking up in for as long as he could remember. Taking in the room of armed men, he didn’t even bother to struggle. A part of him had felt all along that it was only a matter of time before they found him. A man he recognized as an interrogator stepped forward, and he steeled himself for what he knew was coming. He wouldn’t talk. 

Hours later, the interrogator had given up and left, and the remaining agents had resorted to simply beating him into submission. He hadn’t told them anything, but he also hadn’t tried to fight back, and despite his steadfast refusal to talk, it was clear to the men torturing him that he’d resigned himself to his fate with them. They were confident he’d break soon. 

“You’re making this much harder on yourself than it has to be,” the man said, hitting a button to shoot a jolt of electrical current through Bucky’s body. He groaned in pain but continued to stare at the floor, refusing to even acknowledge the other man, until he heard a scream from the next room and his head jerked up. 

“Oh,” the man smirked, finally seeing a sign of life in the Winter Soldier. “Did we forget to mention? We have your friend, that doctor lady. She’s being just as stubborn as you, but don’t worry, she doesn’t have your training. I’m sure a little more torture will break her.”

His resignation immediately disappearing, Bucky didn’t think, he just reacted. His restraints had never really been strong enough to hold him, he’d just never had a reason to break them until now. His metal arm broke free first, grabbing the man nearest and tossing him aside like a doll. He broke the restraint on this other arm and surged out of the chair. The other guards in the room were completely unprepared; that chair had been keeping him bound for decades, they had no reason to distrust its effectiveness. As such, the fight was over in minutes and Bucky sustained only minor injuries. 

He rushed out of the room and into the hallway, pausing at the door to the adjoining room. He tested the handle, found it unlocked, and quietly opened the door and slipped inside. His heart dropped into his stomach as he took in the sight in front of him. Nora was tied to a chair, barely conscious and slumped over. She had a bright purple bruise on one cheek and an ugly gash running down her forearm. There was only one man in the room, and he was standing over Nora with his hand raised to hit her again. He was dead before he had a chance to bring it down. 

Kicking the man’s lifeless body aside, Bucky knelt beside Nora, guilt and fear raging through him. She finally opened her eyes as he untied the knots at her wrists, and he breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Bucky?” she said, the relief evident in her voice.

“I didn’t know they’d taken you. I’m sorry,” he said, his voice breaking. He refused to meet her eyes as he finished untying her, too overwhelmed with guilt to look at her. It was his fault they’d taken her, his fault that she’d been there, being tortured, for hours. If he’d been paying closer attention, none of this would have happened. He thought she must hate him. 

“Can you stand?” he asked, and she nodded, putting a hand on his shoulder to lean on him as she stood. He reluctantly put an arm around her waist, knowing she needed the support but fearing she wouldn’t want it from him. He was completely caught off guard when, instead of pulling away from him as he’d expected, she moved closer, burying her face in his chest and gripping his shirt with both hands. On instinct he wrapped his arms around her, the action immediately making him think of the previous night. He felt her shake against him, and his heart broke as he realized she was crying. All that anger he’d felt at himself, for allowing her to get close to him, for allowing himself to be vulnerable with her, all that confusion, that was all forgotten, replaced with an overwhelming feeling of protectiveness.

“It’s ok, I’m here now,” he whispered, leaning his head down towards hers. “You’re safe. I’m not going to let them hurt you anymore.”

She slowly released her grip on his shirt, sliding her arms down and around his waist to pull him closer to her. He held her tighter, one hand rubbing up and down her back just as she had done for him. After a moment her sobs quieted, but she clung to him for much longer. He kept his arms tight around her, holding her as long as she needed, until he finally felt her pull away. 

She wiped the tears off her face and looked at him, trust in her eyes, and he felt that same pang in his chest he’d felt the night before when she left his room. 

“Are you okay?” he asked softly, and she nodded. Bucky hadn’t known her that long, but he was used to her being the strong one. Everyone was used to her being the strong one. Seeing her upset like this, it made him want to destroy every person that had a hand in hurting her. “We’re getting out of here.” 


	11. Chapter 11

Bucky had found only one small handgun on the agent with Nora, so he handed it to her and went to search the men in the other room. He returned with a second gun and a combat knife, and, feeling slightly better now that they were both armed, began working out how they were going to escape. 

“I’m not sure where the nearest exit is, we might be better off breaking a window,” he said. “We need to get to an exterior wall.”

Nora nodded, and slowly made her way to the door. Bucky noticed the way she stepped gingerly on her left leg and winced every time her weight shifted. His first instinct was to carry her, to do everything he could to make the pain go away, but he knew he needed to be ready to fight at a moment’s notice. So instead, he put his arm around her waist, holding her up and letting her lean on him. She stopped for a moment, leaning her head on his shoulder, before taking a deep breath and straightening. He watched as her face shifted from tired and scared back to the look of total calm he was used to seeing on her, and realized that she wore it like a mask, just as he did. 

Keeping a tight grip on Nora, Bucky opened the door and led them into the hallway. He was surprised to realize he knew where he was going; clearly he’d navigated the halls of this facility before. They’d made it around a few corners, heading towards what Bucky confidently thought was an exit, when they heard shouts coming from the rooms behind them. 

“They know we’ve escaped,” Nora said, her voice neutral, but her grip tightening on her gun. 

Bucky nodded and looked at her. “Can you run?” he asked. 

She shook her head. “I’ll just slow you down. Find the exit and call Fury.” She was forcing her voice to remain calm, knowing logically Bucky could make it out much easier without her, but underneath she was terrified.

He looked at her in shock. “I’m not leaving you here,” he said forcefully.

“Do you have a better suggestion?” she said. 

He didn’t hesitate, he just tightened his arm around her waist and swept his other arm under her legs, picking her up in one fluid motion. Before she had a chance to protest, he was taking off, sprinting down the hall with her in his arms, letting instinct guide him as he turned corner after corner. They eventually hit a stairwell, and he didn’t stop, just bolted up them. He hit a landing after the first flight and nearly cried in relief when he saw an emergency exit. He burst through the door with Nora, ignoring the blaring alarm that sounded the moment the door opened, and ran down the alley they’d come out into and out to the busy city street. 

Bucky’s plan ended with getting them out of the building, so he was relieved when Nora spoke up as soon as they hit the street.

“Put me down,” she whispered as he noticed passersby staring at them. “We look way too conspicuous.” He obliged, and she tried to look unassuming as she tucked the gun he’d given her into the waistband of her pants, pulling her shirt down over it. He did the same. 

“We need to find a phone,” she said, choosing a direction and moving. She was still limping, so he matched his step to hers and offered her his arm. The mask of calm slipped for a moment as she put her arm through his, exhaustion and relief taking over as she leaned on him with a sigh. He did his best to steady her while being as unobtrusive as possible, and they walked slowly down the street, both of them ready for an attack. 

They ducked into the first coffee shop they came across, and Nora asked to use the phone. The kid behind the counter looked a little alarmed at her obvious injuries, and she made some excuse about falling off her bike. He handed her the phone and went back to help the next customer, and Bucky stood beside Nora like a bodyguard as she dialed the number for Nick Fury’s personal cell phone. 

“ _ Fury, _ ” she heard as he answered after the first ring. 

“It’s me,” she said, knowing she didn’t need to offer any more information than that.

“ _ Where are you? _ ”

“In a coffee shop, 127 Rhode Island Ave., D.C.,” she said, reading off the coffee shop business card she’d grabbed off the counter.

“ _ Are you safe? _ ”

“For the moment, but probably not for long. Bucky’s with me,” she said, knowing she couldn’t say much more than that in the middle of a coffee shop.

“ _ Stay where you are, I’ll be there soon. _ ”

“Ok,” she said. She hung up the phone and handed it back to the barista, thanking him. “Do you mind if we wait here for our ride?”

The barista shook his head, and Bucky and Nora sat at a table in the front corner of the coffee shop. After only a few minutes, a black SUV with tinted windows pulled up outside and Nora stood, Bucky immediately following and offering her his arm again as they stepped out the door and into the backseat of the waiting vehicle.

Nick Fury was in the driver’s seat, alone, and as soon as Bucky closed the door he felt Nora relax against him. 

“Can we talk here?” she asked Nick, and he nodded as he pulled out into traffic. 

“They took us to a facility a few blocks from here, it wasn’t particularly secure. They kept us separated, but I don’t think they were expecting us to make an escape attempt. They asked me a few questions about SHIELD, a few about you, but most of their questions to me were specifically about Bucky. What he’d told us, how he acted, things like that.” She looked at him, concern and sympathy on her face. “I didn’t tell them anything.”

“What did they ask you, Barnes?” Fury asked from the front seat.

“Mostly questions about SHIELD security. I don’t think they were actually interested in the answers, I think they were just trying to break me,” he said neutrally, but felt his stomach flip flop a little when Nora covered his hand with hers and squeezed. “I didn’t tell them anything either,” he finished.

“How did they get you?” Fury asked. 

“They were in my room waiting for me,” Nora said. “I don’t know how they actually got us off the helicarrier, they drugged me.”

“Same,” Bucky added, his eyes lowering in shame that they’d been able to capture him. “There were half a dozen of them in my room when I got there.”

“I’m sorry,” Fury said, much to the surprise of both Bucky and Nora. “Whoever these people are, they never should have been able to get onto the helicarrier.” Fury was calm on the surface, but underneath Bucky could see he was seething.

“This isn’t your fault, Nick,” Nora said, her voice laced with fatigue, and Bucky could finally see how completely exhausted she was.

He scooted closer to her so she could lean on him, and looked up just in time to make eye contact with Fury in the rearview mirror. A silent exchange passed between them as they both realized the other was equally willing to sacrifice himself for Nora’s safety. Fury nodded at Bucky in acknowledgement and both men looked away.

They spent the rest of the ride in silence. Despite the voice in the back of her head that continued to nag at her about professional distance, Nora closed her eyes and let herself accept Bucky’s silent offer of comfort. She leaned against him, her eyes opening in surprise when she felt his arm go around her, but closed them again as she settled against him. She was tired, and in pain, and just wanted to feel safe for a little bit. 

They pulled into the garage at SHIELD headquarters and Fury parked his SUV in a private area of the parking facility. 

“You should get those injuries looked at,” he said to Nora as he got out of the vehicle, and she just nodded. Bucky opened the door and hopped out, turning to help Nora as she slid out of the SUV behind him. He held his arms out for her and she put her hands on his shoulders, leaning on him as she stepped out and onto the floor. She didn’t let go immediately, so he kept his arms around her back, supporting her.

“Just give me a minute,” she whispered, leaning forward so her head rested on his chest. 

“Take as much time as you need,” he replied quietly, bringing one hand up to settle gently on the back of her neck. She stayed there for only a moment, and he was surprised to find he missed her closeness when she took a deep breath and stood back up. He offered her his arm, but her mask was already back on and she waved him off, pushing the pain down as she slowly made her way over to join Fury at the elevator. 

The three of them stepped in, and Fury hit two buttons. They reached their first destination, and Fury stepped off the elevator. 

“Come on, Barnes, I’ll show you where you’ll be staying now that we’re at headquarters.”

Bucky looked back at Nora, uncertainty written all over his face. 

“It’s ok,” she said encouragingly. “I’m just going to stop and see the medic, and then I’ll come see you.”

He looked unconvinced, and she wasn’t sure if it was because he wanted to stay with her, or didn’t want to stay with Fury. Either way, he was a soldier, and knew when to follow orders. He nodded, and watched the elevator doors close as she left to have her injuries tended to. 

He turned back to Fury and the two men made their way to the small area of residential rooms at SHIELD headquarters. They didn’t speak. They finally reached a hallway with numbered doors, and Fury stopped at one and entered a key code. The door clicked open and Fury entered, gesturing for Bucky to follow him. This room was slightly bigger than his room on the helicarrier, with a bed, a small sofa, and a table with two chairs. Fury sat at one of the chairs, and Bucky, understanding it was time to talk, sat at the other one.

“Tell me everything, from the moment you walked into your room to find those men in it, to the moment I picked you up at that coffee shop.” Fury said. 

Bucky didn’t hesitate, he told Fury everything. What the men looked like, every question they’d asked him, how he’d reacted when they told him they’d taken Nora, even how many corners they’d turned while searching for the exit. 

“You could have broken your restraints at any time, you could have escaped years ago. Why didn’t you?” Fury finally asked.

Bucky looked at the floor. “Where would I have gone?”

Fury sighed. “Ok, I can accept that. But today, before you realized that Nora was there, you could have escaped and come back to SHIELD.”

“Could I?” Bucky asked, looking back up, and Fury understood the point he was making. They would have assumed the kidnapping and escape was faked, a means to check in with the Winter Soldier and get him back to SHIELD. Bucky still wasn’t completely sure that Fury didn’t think that anyway, but getting Nora to safety had been the only thing that mattered. 

“Ok, ok. I get it.” Fury said, standing up. He started to head for the door, but Bucky stopped him. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, and Fury turned to look at him questioningly. 

“They took her because of me. They had her for hours and I didn’t know. I’m sorry I let that happen to her.”

Fury took a few steps back towards the table, but Bucky couldn’t bring himself to look at him. 

“This one isn’t on you, it’s on me. They never should have been able to take you in the first place. You saved her, Barnes." He paused. "You know, I’ve known Nora her entire life, and it hasn’t always been an easy life for her. She’s a tough nut to crack. She doesn’t trust a lot of people, but she trusts you.” Fury shrugged as he made his way to the door. “I’m sure there’s a reason for that.”

Bucky stared at the door as Fury closed it behind him. Nora trusted him, and that made him feel a lot of things he wasn’t really sure how to handle. 


	12. Chapter 12

Nora’s injuries looked much worse than they were, so it didn’t take long for the medic to bandage her cut arm and wrap her injured ankle and send her on her way. She knew her next stop should be Fury’s office, but she decided to make a quick detour to her own office. She’d been stationed on the helicarrier for the last two months, so her office was locked and untouched, but she was pretty certain she still had a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans in there, and she was desperate to get out of the blood stained clothes she was currently wearing. 

She changed quickly, brushed her hair and washed her face, and was generally feeling much better by the time she got to Fury’s office. She knocked on the door and he answered, stepping aside to let her in and following her to sit on his sofa. 

“Is there anything you couldn’t say in front of Barnes?” he asked, not wanting to force her to retell the specifics of what she’d been through. 

“No, there isn’t much more to say beyond what I already told you. They were definitely the group that’s kept him, but they didn’t give any clue as to who they actually are.” Nora was silent for a moment. “I hate them for what they’ve done to him. They act like he’s not even a person, just a weapon. If I hadn’t been captured too, I think he would have resigned himself to just staying there.”

Fury looked at her, choosing his words carefully. “Do you think it’s possible that the whole thing was an act designed to make us trust him?”

She shook her head. “I’ve thought about that. And I just don’t think it’s true. I don’t have anything to back that up, but my gut is telling me he’s genuine.”

“I agree. I’d like to offer him a position at SHIELD, to start training as an operative with Steve.”

Nora’s eyebrows shot up. “That’s a big leap of faith for you.”

Fury shrugged. “I think you’re right about him. And he’d be a valuable addition to SHIELD.”

“I’ll ask him,” Nora said. “But it’ll be his choice.” Fury nodded. 

“I’m also going to assign him a new doctor,” Fury said, almost as an afterthought. 

“What?” she said in outrage. “Nick, if this is because you think I can’t keep a professional distance, I can. Just because he rescued me -”

Fury held up a hand, cutting her off. “This has nothing to do with that. Your position here is a research position, not a practicing doctor. And you’re not a psychiatrist. There are other doctors here that are better qualified to treat him.”

“He needs me, Nick,” she said quietly.

“I’m not forbidding you from seeing him, am I? You can still be there for him, just not in a professional capacity.” He said it casually, but she narrowed her eyes at him in suspicion. Whenever Nick Fury tried to sound casual, it was because he didn’t want you to know his real motives. But she knew when a fight was lost. 

“Fine,” she said. “But at least let me be the one to tell him.”

Fury just shrugged, and Nora stood and left his office. She had no idea how this conversation with Bucky was about to go. She’d been ignoring that internal voice that kept harping about professional distance, but in truth she’d liked the safety of their doctor/patient relationship. If he was no longer her patient, that meant he was simply her friend, and maintaining friendships had never been one of her strengths. She was much better at keeping people at arm's length. And while it was easy to say that she wanted to remain his friend because he needed her, it was more than that. She’d spent most of her life alone, never really opening up to anyone, always preferring her work to any kind of personal relationships. But she liked spending time with Bucky, she trusted him, and she didn’t know what to do with that.

She wasn’t feeling any more confident by the time she reached Bucky’s room, but she forced herself to knock on his door, plastering a smile on her face and trying not to let her uncertainty show. He opened it and let her in, following behind her as she took a seat at the table. He sat across from her and tried to read her expression, frustrated by her ever present mask of calm, and his own inability to read emotions. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything, she spoke. 

“I wanted to apologize,” she said quickly, fighting to keep her emotions under control. Bucky’s face went from surprised, to confused, to concerned.

“Why are you apologizing to me?” he asked cautiously.

“For losing my cool the way I did. I shouldn’t have put that on you, and I’m sorry,” 

He sat back, stunned. “Nora, I’m the one who should be apologizing to you. It’s my fault they took you, how can I even begin to ask for your forgiveness? After what they did to you, of course you lost your cool! I should never have let this happen, and now you’re apologizing to me?”

She reached for his hand. “Bucky, this is not your fault.”

“It is,” he said sharply, pulling his hand away and standing up. He turned away from her. “Nora, they could have killed you. You’re the first person to ever show me kindness, and I almost got you killed.”

“Bucky …” she trailed off, standing up and coming around the table towards him, and he turned to face her. “We were on what was supposed to be a very secure SHIELD vessel. Getting kidnapped shouldn’t have even been an option.” 

“I still should have protected you.”

“You did!”

He lowered his eyes to the ground again. “Not well enough.”

She didn’t know what to say, so in a rare moment of vulnerability, she opted for honesty. “I don’t know what to say to convince you. All I know is that I’m alive right now, safe, because of you.” He kept his eyes glued to the ground, so she continued. “I was terrified. Being there like that, it reminded me of …” she didn’t finish, not wanting to dump her entire traumatic history on him, but he lifted his head to look at her, concern on his face. She shook her head. “My point is that I’ve felt that kind of fear before. Except this time when I opened my eyes, you were there. And I knew I was safe.”

One tear had managed to slip out while she spoke, and she hastily brushed it away, not wanting him to see her cry again. He took a step towards her, one arm reaching for her, ready to wrap around her, and she wanted to let him, to feel safe and protected and not alone. But she didn’t. She had already let so much of herself out, she was too afraid to let out anymore. She stepped back, sitting back down at the table, and Bucky followed, arms dropping and eyes lowering.

“That’s not the only thing I wanted to talk to you about,” she said, trying to make her voice light. 

Bucky looked up, his entire body tensing as he sensed her anxiety. She tried to force herself to relax a little, aware of how nervous she was making him. She smiled at him. 

“It’s nothing bad. In fact, I hope you think it’s good.” He relaxed a little at her reassurance, but still looked unsure. “Nick wants you to join SHIELD officially. As one of our operatives.”

Bucky furrowed his brows, not sure how to respond. He liked the idea of having purpose again, but he wasn’t sure of the kind of work that SHIELD did. He didn’t want to go back to just being a weapon. Nora sensed his hesitation. 

“It’s completely your decision, Bucky. We’re never going to make you do something you don’t want to do. We’re not asking you to become an assassin for SHIELD, that’s not the kind of thing we do.”

“You’re the good guys, right?” Bucky asked, and Nora nodded. “What kind of things would I be doing?”

“Most of what we do are rescue missions. You’d be working with Steve Rogers, and he’s basically the poster child for being one of the good guys,” she laughed. “I can’t promise that you’ll never have to hurt anyone, but I can promise that you’d only be hurting the bad guys.”

He was quiet for a moment. “Ok.”

“You’re sure? If you don’t want this, we can still help you. I can help you figure out what you want, find a place for you somewhere else.”

“No, I’m sure. This is a good place for me. I can help.”

“Ok,” she said, hoping this really was a good place for him. “We’ll get you set up with an ID and an apartment. I’ll introduce you to Steve tomorrow.” She hesitated. “There’s one more thing I need to talk to you about.” This time she couldn’t force down the anxiety, he saw it written all over her face. He looked back at her in concern. 

“You’re being assigned a new doctor. You’ll meet him tomorrow morning before you begin training with Steve.”

Bucky felt a surge of panic in his chest. “Why?”

“Well, I’m not a psychiatrist. I was the only person on the helicarrier qualified to help you, but now that we’re here, you’ll be better off seeing an actual therapist.” 

“Fine,” he said coldly, standing and turning away from her. She sighed. This was exactly the way she feared this conversation was going to go. She followed him as he retreated across the room, refusing to turn around. 

“Bucky,” she said, “this was not my choice. It was Fury’s decision. He’s right that you’ll be better off seeing an actual psychiatrist, but …” she was venturing into territories of honesty with him that she wasn’t wholly comfortable with. “Just because I’m not your doctor anymore doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends. Right?” 

It had felt like a punch to the gut when she told him she wouldn’t be his doctor anymore, but hearing the hopeful tone in her voice, his icy demeanor softened. He turned to face her. 

“Is that what you want?” 

She nodded, actually letting her emotions show on her face, and he saw the hope and honesty in her eyes. He relaxed, glad that she wanted to continue to be his friend. He looked at her more closely, trying to read her face. She’d let the mask slip, and he was able to see the weariness she’d been trying to hide, the traces of fear after what she’d been through. He took a few steps towards her, opening his arms again, and this time she relented. She closed the distance between them and leaned against him, letting him close his arms around her as she slipped her arms around his waist. 

“Are you alright?” he asked, and she nodded. He leaned his head against hers, gripping her a little tighter. “I’m sorry I let them hurt you.”

“I don’t blame you for it, Bucky,” she whispered. “Please stop blaming yourself.” 

He sighed, but she felt him nod, and gave him a squeeze. She let him just hold her for a moment, soaking up the comfort she hadn’t felt in so long. After a moment, she reluctantly pulled away, still not used to allowing herself to be this close to someone. 

“I should go home,” she said, the exhaustion evident in her voice. “Who knows what kind of state my apartment is in after two months on the helicarrier.”

“By yourself?” he asked, his brow furrowing. 

She nodded. “I’ll be fine, I don’t live far, and I have a good home security system.”

He frowned. “You really should have someone walk you home.”

She considered it for a moment, and finally admitted to herself that she would feel better having someone come with her. 

“Ok, let’s go.”

He looked at her in surprise, but she was already heading for the door, so he hurried to follow. She texted Fury as they walked down the hall, letting him know Bucky was walking her home and requesting a security code for him to get back into the building. 

Once they reached the exit, she showed Bucky how to get back in using the code. 

“It’s the same code to get into your room,” she said. “We’ll start looking for an apartment for you tomorrow”. He was radiating the same uncertainty she sensed from him the day they’d gone to the shooting range for the first time. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked him.

“I just …” he struggled. “You’re just … trusting me with all this?”

She slid her arm through his as they made their way to the sidewalk. “Yes,” she said simply, but seeing the look on his face, continued. “Bucky, as of now, you’re an employee of SHIELD and a regular citizen. You get to live your life just like everybody else.”

He stopped walking as the weight of that sunk in. When he’d accepted the invitation to join SHIELD, he’d assumed it would be a similar arrangement to the previous group he’d worked for. He knew SHIELD would treat him better, but he still figured he’d be watched all the time, always someone else in control. The realization that he was finally free to live his own life almost made him cry. 

Nora had stopped when he had, a look of worry her face as she looked at him. Bucky looked back at her, fully aware that she was the reason for his freedom, and he suddenly smiled at her, enfolding her in a bear hug and lifting her slightly off the ground. She laughed as she wrapped her arms around his neck, and he held her tighter. 

“Thank you,” he said.


	13. Chapter 13

Bright and early the next morning, Nora was knocking on Bucky’s door to bring him to meet his new doctor. He’d walked her home the previous night, done a sweep of her apartment, and left, already looking forward to seeing her the next day. He’d walked back to SHIELD alone, truly alone and left to his own devices for the first time since 1945, and he’d found himself smiling. 

He opened his door for Nora and stepped aside to invite her in. He was feeling slightly anxious this morning, and wanted the familiarity of just talking to Nora before going out to face a day full of unknowns. 

She walked into his room and he closed the door behind her, turning back to face her with apprehension written all over his face. 

“Everything’s going to be fine, Bucky,” she said, immediately understanding the cause of his anxiety. “I know it’s hard for you to trust doctors, but he’s a good one. I’m a doctor, and you trust me, right?” He nodded.

“Then trust me to send you to someone that genuinely wants to help you.”

“What does he know about me?” Bucky asked tentatively.

“SHIELD has a file on the Winter Soldier, but most of that is speculation. Fury told him about how you came to us, the state you were in when you got here, but that’s it. Everything else will be between you and him.”

“Ok.”

“If you want, I can wait, I can be right outside his office so if you decide you don’t like it, I’ll be right there.”

He shook his head. “I don’t want you to go out of your way for me. It’s not your job anymore.”

She took two quick steps towards him, grabbing his hand. “Bucky, I never did it because it was my job. I did it because I want to help you. Just because it’s not official anymore doesn’t mean you can’t still come to me when you need me.”

He exhaled slowly, relief showing on his face. “You wouldn’t mind waiting?”

She squeezed his hand. “Not at all. Let’s go.”

She led him out into the hallway and towards the elevators. They rode up a few stories, and Bucky held on to Nora’s hand the whole time. It was a new thing for him, having someone care about him. 

They finally reached the medical wing of the building, and Nora led him to a small suite of offices that comprised SHIELD’s mental health professionals. She knocked on the door and it was opened by a cheerful looking man, perhaps 5 years younger than Nora, who greeted them with a smile. 

“Dr. Dugan, it’s good to see you,” he said, shaking her hand. He offered his hand to Bucky. “You must be Sergeant Barnes.”

“Bucky,” he replied, shaking his new doctor’s hand. 

“Bucky,” the doctor confirmed. “I’m Dr. Adams, but please, call me Dan.” He stepped further into the office, gesturing for Bucky to follow, but Bucky hesitated.

“Can I … can I just talk to Nora for a minute?” he asked. 

“Of course,” Dr. Adams replied. “Come on in when you’re ready.”

The doctor walked to the other side of the office, sitting in one of the two armchairs that occupied the far corner, and Bucky turned back to Nora.

“Are you sure you don’t mind waiting?” he asked quietly.

“I don’t mind,” she assured him. “Don’t worry about me, ok?”

He nodded, and she squeezed his arm encouragingly before turning him around and giving him a little nudge into the office. He took a deep breath and closed the door, offering her a small smile as he did. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An hour later the office door opened and Bucky emerged. Nora stood and crossed the waiting room towards him. 

“See? Not scary,” she said, seeing the much more relaxed expression on his face. 

“Not scary,” he said with a smile. 

“Ready for the next not scary thing?”

He nodded, and they made their way back to the elevators, riding down two levels to the part of the building dedicated to combat training. They walked to the end of the hallway, and Nora indicated an already opened door. Bucky stopped just outside, reaching for Nora’s hand as she stopped beside him. 

“It’s ok, Bucky. He’s your friend.” Bucky looked at her, almost afraid. 

“What if I don’t remember him?”

“Then you start over with him. There are no expectations here. Whatever happens, happens. He’ll understand.”

Bucky nodded and let go of Nora’s hand, squaring his shoulders and walking into the room. Nora followed behind him. 

“Hey Buck,” Steve said brightly, greeting him as though they were still just teenagers in Brooklyn. 

Bucky hesitated a moment, then continued into the room, arm outstretched to shake Steve’s hand. 

“I …” he faltered. “Nora says I know you. I think you seem familiar …” 

Nora came up behind him. “You don’t have to force it, Bucky. It’s ok if you don’t remember.”

“We can make new memories,” Steve said, clapping him on the shoulder, and Bucky relaxed a little. 

Nora reached out to squeeze Bucky’s arm. “I’ll be in my office if you need me.”

He gave her a nod, his eyes conveying the gratitude he was still a little too reluctant to express in front of Steve. He watched her leave, and turned back to the blond man beside him.

“Ready to start training?” Steve asked, a smile on his face, and Bucky nodded, the smile he offered in return wholly genuine.


	14. Chapter 14

Steve and Bucky spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon training. They fell into an easy rhythm, talking and joking, and Bucky was beginning to feel like he did actually know this man. By mid afternoon they were both tired and sweaty, and Steve suggested they call it quits. 

“We’ll do this again tomorrow?” Bucky asked. 

Steve nodded with a smile. “I’ll see you here tomorrow morning, 10am”. Bucky nodded and headed for the door.

“Buck,” Steve called after him, and Bucky turned. “I know that you don’t remember me, but I’m glad that we’re …” he hesitated. “I just … I missed you.”

Bucky didn’t know what to say to that, but suddenly found himself crossing back towards Steve and enveloping the other man in a hug. Steve squeezed him back tightly and for a moment Bucky felt like he was hugging his best friend. 

He stepped back and clasped Steve’s shoulder as Steve blinked away tears. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, and Steve smiled. 

Bucky left the training room and found his way back to the room he was staying in. He showered and changed, and left again to find Nora’s office. She’d told him how to get there from his room, so it wasn’t long before he was knocking on her door. She looked up from her computer and his heart stuttered a little at the smile that appeared on her face upon seeing him standing in her doorway. 

“Hey,” she said, coming out from behind her desk and taking a seat on the couch on the opposite wall. “How was it?”

He closed the door behind him and joined her on the couch.

“It was good,” he said contentedly. “I still don’t really remember him, but he does seem … familiar. I feel comfortable with him.”

“I’m glad,” she said. “He’s been wanting to see you since you first came here, but I just didn’t know if you were ready for that. I’m sorry I waited so long to introduce you.”

“No, you were right. I wasn’t ready. I am now.” She smiled at him, trying to suppress the butterflies in her stomach when he smiled back. 

“I thought this afternoon we’d go look at some apartments for you,” she finally said. 

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Already?”

“I made some calls this morning. We set up a new ID and social security number for you, it’s just easier this way. According to your ID, you were born in Brooklyn, New York on March 10, 1982. So if anyone asks, you’re 33.”

He looked at her a little wide-eyed, and she put her hand over his and gave him a little squeeze.

“I’m sorry,” she said gently. “This is a lot, I shouldn’t be throwing this at you all at once. We can look at apartments another day.”

“No,” he shook his head. “No, it’s fine. I want to go, I’ll be ok.”

“Are you sure? It’s fine if you want to take things more slowly.”

“No, I’m ready.”

Nora had lined up three apartments to look at, one near her apartment by SHIELD headquarters, and two others more towards the outskirts of the city. She had thought Bucky would prefer something a little removed from the hustle and bustle of the city, but he ended up preferring the apartment near hers. She wasn’t sure if that was a coincidence or not. By the end of the day he’d signed a lease and had plans to move in the following week. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He spent the next week training with Steve in the mornings, and prepping for his move with Nora in the afternoons. He’d been worried that things would be different between them now that their relationship was personal, rather than professional, and while things  _ were _ different, it was a good kind of different. She joked around with him more, treated him as an equal rather than a patient, and he enjoyed the time he spent with her.

Nora came to see him the morning he was scheduled to move into his new apartment, a package in her hands. 

“I have something for you,” she said, handing him the package. “A housewarming present.”

She looked almost worried as he took it, and he unwrapped it to find a shadowbox, containing a black and white photo and a set of dog tags. He realized after a moment that the photo was of him and Steve. It had obviously been taken a long time ago. He peered closer at the dog tags, reading the name aloud. 

“James B. Barnes,” he looked up at Nora in surprise.

“They’re yours,” she said. “The picture of you and Steve is from during the war.”

“I don’t … where did you get these?” he asked, a little dumbfounded.

“My grandfather had them. Remember how I told you that I knew a couple of people that knew you before you were the Winter Soldier? Obviously one of them was Steve. The other was my grandfather. You served together during the war.”

He looked at her, not knowing what to say.

“Is it ok that I gave you this? I was worried that it would upset you, but I just thought that you should have these,” she rambled. 

He put the shadow box down and stepped towards her, wrapping his arms tight around her and leaning his head on her shoulder. 

“I love it,” he said, his voice thick with unshed tears. “It’s perfect.” 

She pulled away after a moment and wiped away one tear from his cheek that had managed to sneak out. It was a surprisingly intimate gesture, and they were both caught a little off guard by it. Nora stepped back awkwardly, breaking eye contact as she looked around for something to distract her. 

“You should get going,” she finally said. “It’s almost time for you to pick up your keys from your new landlord.”

“You’re not coming with me?” he asked, his brows furrowing.

“You don’t need me, Bucky. You’re ready to handle things on your own now.”

He started to say that she was wrong, he did need her, he always needed her, but stopped himself. He wanted her to see him as her equal, not just someone she had to take care of. And that meant he had to learn to take care of himself. 

He nodded and smiled at her. She returned the smile, turning and heading for the door. “Call me later and tell me how it went.”

He nodded, and she left. 


	15. Chapter 15

He spent the rest of the day dealing with furniture deliveries and utility set ups, and was actually proud of himself for how well he handled everything. He was still adjusting to normal human interaction, but his time with SHIELD had helped him begin to figure it all out. He was a little overwhelmed by the time evening rolled around, and he found himself wanting to see Nora. He called her, feeling a little better when she answered on the first ring. 

“Hey,” she said, the brightness and familiarity of her voice soothing him even more. “How’s the apartment?”

“It’s good,” he said hesitantly. “A little overwhelming.”

“Do you want me to come over?” she asked, hearing the anxiety in his voice.

“You don’t have to. Like you said, I need to start handling things on my own.”

“Bucky, I didn’t mean you have to handle  _ everything _ on your own. Moves are stressful.”

“I don’t want to be a bother…” he trailed off. He did desperately want her to come over, he needed something familiar, but he was suddenly very aware she might have a life she’d been putting on hold to help him. 

“Oh, stop it,” she said, the lighthearted tone making him feel silly for worrying. “Have you eaten? Do you even have any food there? I can stop at the store.”

“I definitely don’t have any food here.”

“Ok,” she said, and he could hear her bustling around getting ready to leave. “I’ll stop and get some basics and we can make dinner.”

An hour later they were standing in his kitchen and she was helping him prep dinner. He was glad to see her but now that the thought had entered into his head, he couldn’t help but feel like he must be imposing on her, like she was only there out of a continued sense of professional obligation. 

“I can feel you staring at me, you know,” she said as she stood at the counter chopping vegetables. 

“Sorry,” he said, and went back to stirring the pasta on the stove. 

“Bucky,” she said, putting down the knife and standing beside him at the stove. “You don’t have to wait for me to ask you what’s wrong. If something is bothering you, you can just tell me.”

He sighed, turning off the stove and facing her. “I’m sorry I need you so much. I don’t mean to be such a burden.”

“You’re not a burden! Why would you think that? Is it because I thought you should handle things today yourself? I did that because you’re not giving yourself enough credit for how well you’re doing, I thought you needed a little push, that’s all.”

He was surprised at how upset she’d become at his comment, but he knew he hadn’t made his point clearly. “No, it’s not about today. It’s just … you spend a lot of time with me. Don’t you want to spend time with other people, or do other things?” 

Her face fell, and he realized that he still hadn’t made his point clearly, except this time he’d upset her in an entirely different way. 

“I’m … I’m so sorry, Buck,” she said, walking out of the kitchen and grabbing her purse. “Of course you don’t need me around all the time. I wanted to make sure you know you’re not alone, but I have been kind of smothering you, haven’t I?” She was suddenly flustered and embarrassed. She headed for the door and he had to run to intercept her. 

“Stop, please don’t leave, that’s not what I meant,” he said, putting himself between her and the door. That mask of calm that she’d finally stopped wearing around him was back, her expression completely neutral, and he cursed himself for being so bad with words. 

“Just, put your stuff down, please,” he pleaded, tentatively reaching out to take her purse out of her hands. She let him take it and put it down, and he relaxed a little. He guided her to the couch and sat down next to her. “You’re not smothering me. I want you to be here. I always want you to be here. You’re my best friend.” She looked up at him in surprise at that statement. “But I don’t want you to spend time with me because you feel obligated, because you think I need you to take care of me.” 

She finally realized what he’d been getting at, and felt even more embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I … I’m not great at personal relationships. Most people aren’t really interested in getting close to me. So when you said that, I just assumed that it meant you wanted me to back off.”

“That’s not at all what I meant. I just don’t want to keep you from spending time with other people.”

“First of all, I spend time with you because I enjoy spending time with you, not because I have to. Second of all, I don’t really have other people to spend time with.”

“Why not?”

She shrugged. 

“You must have family?”

She shook her head. “I’ve been on my own for a long time, Buck.” There was a pain behind her eyes he’d never seen before, and he desperately wanted to make it go away. 

“Tell me,” he said

She looked at him, and he saw the desperation in her face, eyes pleading with him not to ask her anymore. 

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. But I don’t want you to feel like you can’t lean on me. I mean, I know I’m a mess, but I can handle it.”

She shook her head. “It’s not that, it’s just, you don’t need to hear my sob story. You don’t want to have to deal with my issues.” He was suddenly reminded of her apology to him after they’d escaped their kidnapping. She’d apologized for getting so emotional. He should have paid more attention to that, instead of making it all about him. She was afraid to really open up to someone because, like him, she didn’t want to be a burden.

He put both hands on her shoulders, turning her to face him. “I want to deal with your issues.” She lowered her eyes, but he kept going. “Nora, you really are my best friend, and friendship is a two way street. You’ve been dealing with my issues for months now. At least let me return the favor.”

He was looking at her so sincerely, so genuinely asking her to let him in, she couldn’t say no. She nodded, and he dropped his hands from her shoulders. She took a deep breath, and began. 

“I never knew my dad. I don’t really know how he met my mom, but whatever their relationship was, he was long gone by the time I was born. My grandparents were around a lot, but for the most part it was me and her.” Nora smiled at the memory of her mother, the smile immediately fading as she continued. “She died when I was 8. She was a SHIELD agent, and …” She couldn’t bring herself to tell him that part of the story. Not yet. “I went to live with my grandparents when she died. My grandfather and I were really close, but then he died when I was 15. After that it was just me and my grandmother, and she … we just weren’t close.” Nora said. She was managing to keep her emotions in check, but she knew if she went any deeper they’d all come pouring out. 

“Why weren’t you and your grandmother close?”

She could feel the tears starting to well as she spoke. “I’m pretty sure she blamed me for my mother’s death. She could barely bring herself to look at me, much less love me.”

Bucky put his arm back around her, pulling her close to him. “Why would she blame you for your mother’s death?” he asked gently.

Nora closed her eyes and she felt a few tears slide down her cheeks. “My mom had found something out, something big. No one knows what because before she could report to SHIELD, I was kidnapped. They told her it was a ransom, me in exchange for her intel. Fury told me she didn’t even hesitate, she just went to make the exchange. But of course it was a trap. They killed her. I … I think they were planning on killing me too, but the guy holding me couldn’t bring himself to kill a little girl. He helped me escape.”

“Oh, Nora,” Bucky said, bringing his other arm up to hold her. She leaned into his chest and let the floodgates open, sobbing into his chest as he just cradled her against him. 

After a few minutes, her sobs quieted to more gentle tears, and she continued.

“Nick kind of took me under his wing after that. I think he felt responsible. I moved out of my grandmother’s house when I turned 18, Nick helped me get through school, and then gave me a job at SHIELD. He’s the closest thing to family I have now. I mean, he’s  _ all _ I have.”

Bucky let go with his left arm, sliding it under her legs and lifting her to set her on his lap. He leaned them both back against the couch and tightened his arms around her again.

“Not anymore,” he said as he stroked her hair. “You have me now, ok?”

She nodded and relaxed against him, crying quietly into his chest while he held her. Eventually he felt the crying stop, her breathing evening out, and he realized she’d fallen asleep. He cradled her to his chest and stood, carrying her into the bedroom and laying her down on his bed. She didn’t stir, even when he took her shoes off, so he thought he could risk it and leaned down to kiss her forehead. It felt right, natural, and he closed his eyes and imagined what it would be like to kiss her for real. He hadn’t realized until that moment that he wanted to. He opened his eyes and sighed. He could never deserve her, so it was better just not to think about it. He pulled the blanket up over her shoulders, let his hand linger there for a moment longer than necessary, and straightened and left the room. 


	16. Chapter 16

Nora woke the next morning completely disoriented. She had no idea where she was, the last thing she remembered was sobbing into Bucky’s chest on his couch. She must have fallen asleep. She felt embarrassed just thinking about it. She put her shoes on and walked out of what she assumed was Bucky’s bedroom, making her way to the living room to find him sleeping on the couch. 

Her footsteps were enough to wake him, so by the time she made it all the way into the living room to sit in the chair beside the couch he was completely awake. 

“I’m so sorry you had to spend your first night in your new apartment on the couch,” she said, cheeks turning pink in embarrassment. 

He shrugged. “I’ve definitely slept in worse places. I think.” She smiled at his attempted joke. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“I’m ok,” she said with a smile. “Honestly, I don’t know where that came from last night. I mean, I’ve never really talked about it with anyone, but I’ve been dealing with it for 25 years. I don’t know why I was suddenly so bothered by it.”

Bucky didn’t say anything, but she could feel his silent support, and knew that his support  _ was _ the reason she’d finally been able to let it all out. 

“Thank you,” she said. 

“You’re welcome,” he replied sincerely.

“Alright,” she said, standing up and gathering her things. “I have to go home and get ready for work.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, standing up as well. “I have to meet Steve for training. I’ll stop by and say hi when we’re done.”

“Ok,” she said with a smile, and left. 

Bucky and Steve spent the morning running obstacle courses, and Nora stayed locked in her lab. She was embarrassed by how emotional she’d gotten with Bucky, but at the same time she felt a sense of contentment she hadn’t felt in years. 

Bucky knocked on her door that afternoon, and as always his heart stopped when she smiled at him, genuinely happy to see him. 

“Hey,” she said as he came into the lab. “So, since we didn’t get to finish making dinner last night, I was thinking you could come to  _ my  _ apartment and I can make it up to you by actually making dinner for you.”

He smiled. “I think that’s a great idea.”

“I have a bit more work to do here, wanna just meet me at my apartment at 5:30?”

“Sure,” he said, turning to go. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

They spent the evening making dinner and watching tv, and they were both grateful to be doing something so mundane. There was an easy relaxation between them now, and Bucky found himself frequently looking for ways to make Nora smile. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nora was in her office a little over a week later, thinking about how their friendship had grown. She’d surprised herself, when, a few days previous, she’d had a particularly frustrating day at work and didn’t hesitate to call Bucky for support. They were able to sit in comfortable silence together, or just watch a movie, or go to dinner. It was genuine friendship, and she’d never had that before. 

She was startled out of her thoughts by a knock on her door, and she looked up to see a somewhat harried level 1 agent standing in her doorway. 

“Dr. Dugan,” he said, “I’m sorry to disturb you. Captain Rogers asked me to come get you, he said it was urgent.”

Steve and Bucky were scheduled for training that afternoon, and Nora felt her stomach drop as she realized there must be something wrong. Not even acknowledging the agent further, she bolted out the door, sprinting through the hallways of SHIELD until she reached the training room she knew Bucky and Steve used. 

She took a deep breath and stepped into the room, forcing herself to be a calm presence amid whatever was happening. Bucky was sitting in a chair in the far corner, his head down and his elbows resting on his knees, wringing his hands. Steve was standing next to him, a hand on his shoulder, saying something Nora couldn’t hear, but he crossed the room to greet her as she came in. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked quietly as Steve reached her. 

“He remembers something. I don’t know, he won’t tell me about it.”

“Did you call his doctor?”

Steve shook his head. “He asked for you.”

Nora nodded and crossed the room towards Bucky, kneeling in front of him and putting her hands over his. He lifted his head to look at her, his eyes bloodshot and weary, and she brought one hand up to rest on his cheek. 

“Talk to me,” she said. He took a ragged breath and just looked at her, unable to find the words, so she sat in the chair next to him and put her arm around his shoulders. He shrugged it off. 

“Don’t,” he whispered. “I don’t deserve your comfort.”

She put her arm back around him. “Yes you do.”

He shook his head. “I remember. It’s all kind of a jumble right now, but I remember. You don’t know, you don’t know the horrible things I’ve done.”

She cupped his face in her hands, gently turning his head to look at her. “Yes I do.”

He looked back at her in confusion, shaking his head again. “How … how could you know?”

She ran her fingers through his hair in an attempt to calm him down. “I told you SHIELD had a file on the Winter Soldier. Once we confirmed your identity I went back through and worked out what was actually you. I know about all of them.”

“Then how can you even stand to be looking at me right now? I’m a monster.”

She tightened her arm around him and pulled him toward her, relieved when she felt him relax against her, his head leaning on her shoulder. 

“You’re not a monster,” she whispered to him, leaning her head on top of his. “That wasn’t you doing those things, not really.”

“But I remember.”

“I know,” she said, and dared to press a kiss to the top of his head. He responded with a sigh, turning towards her and wrapping his arms around her waist. She held him, exactly the way she had weeks previous, when she’d woken him from a nightmare. This time, however, he sobbed into her shoulder as she whispered to him. 

“You’re not the Winter Soldier anymore,” she said. “You never really were. They forced you to become their weapon, I know you didn’t have a choice. You’re a good man, Bucky. You’re my best friend.”

His grip on her tightened, and she continued to just run her fingers through his hair, until his sobs quieted and he pulled away from her with a deep breath.

“Come on, I’ll take you home.” He looked at her, afraid. “I’m gonna stay with you, ok? For as long as you need me to.”

He relaxed a little and nodded, standing to follow her across the room to where Steve was hovering near the door. Bucky walked over to him, stopping to stand in front of him. 

“Steve,” he said, the recognition in his voice telling Steve that Bucky remembered him. 

“Hey, Buck,” he said, and pulled him into a hug. Nora watched as the two old friends reunited, hoping the good memories would help alleviate some of the pain of the bad. Eventually they pulled apart, and Steve clapped his hand on Bucky’s neck. 

“I missed ya, pal,” he said, and Bucky nodded, not having the words but hoping Steve would understand. He turned back to Nora and took her hand, letting her lead him out of the room, out of the building, and towards his home. 


	17. Chapter 17

They’d walked slowly back to Bucky’s apartment, Nora letting him set the pace. They got inside and he sat on his couch, taking Nora’s hand again as she sat beside him.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” she said, trying to sound reassuring. 

“How long have you known? About the things I’ve done?” He didn’t sound angry, more like this question was a precursor to another, more important question.

“Since the beginning. The day after you were brought in, if you want to know specifically.”

He took a deep breath. “So, when we were kidnapped, you knew then. You knew about the things I’d done?”

She nodded. “Why?”

“It’s just … you trusted me. You trusted me to protect you, and comfort you, to get you away from those people, even knowing the things I’d done for them.”

She ran a hand through his hair. “I knew you weren’t their weapon anymore. You were Bucky again, not the Winter Soldier.”

He closed his eyes and exhaled. “How can you have so much faith in me?”

“You’ve never given me any reason not to.”

He opened his eyes and looked at her, expecting to see her looking at him with doubt. Instead, he saw her looking at him with the same trust she always had, and he felt the knot in his stomach loosen a little. 

She made him dinner, and he ate it, though she thought it was more for her benefit than for his. It was still a little early, but she thought sleep would be the best thing for him, so she convinced him to go to bed. 

“I’ll sit with you until you fall asleep,” she offered, and he nodded, grateful that he hadn’t had to ask.

Hours later, she was asleep in his guest room when something woke her. She wasn’t sure what, but she got up and silently moved across the hall to check on Bucky. His bed was empty, but she pushed down the panic and quietly went to check the living room. The sliding glass door was open and she could see Bucky sitting on the loveseat on his balcony. She didn’t want to intrude, but it was freezing outside, so she pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and opened it up as she walked outside, wordlessly placing it over his shoulders. She was about to walk away when she felt his hand cover hers on his shoulder. 

“Stay. Please.”

He kept her hand in his as she walked around to the front of the loveseat, and rather than let her sit next to him, he pulled her down onto his lap. He wrapped the blanket around both of them and leaned back, shifting her slightly to find a comfortable position for both of them.    
  


“I thought you’d want to be alone. I just didn’t want you to be cold,” she whispered.

He shook his head. “I don’t want to be alone. Will you just sit with me?”

“Of course,” she said, slipping an arm around his waist and leaning her head on his shoulder. She brought her other hand up to his neck and began running her fingers through his hair, the tension immediately flowing out of him. 

“You’re going to be ok,” she said after a moment.

He sighed a little. “I know.” She let herself relax into him, leaning her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes. She felt him tip his head back to rest against the back of the loveseat, tightening the blanket around them. They just sat in silence for a long time, Nora continuing to tangle her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck, and before they knew it they were both asleep. 


	18. Chapter 18

Nora woke the next morning, still leaning against Bucky with his arms tight around her, and felt a surge of guilt. She’d fallen asleep on top of him, he must have desperately wanted to go back to his own bed, but didn’t want to wake her. She was already forming an apology in her head when she remembered the night a couple of weeks prior, when she’d fallen asleep in a similar position and he’d carried her to bed easily without waking her. He could’ve done the same thing last night, and she realized he must have chosen not to. He didn’t want to be alone. 

His eyes were still closed, but his breathing told her he was awake. He’d made no move to get up, so she didn’t either. If holding her brought him any kind of comfort, she was happy to stay exactly where she was. Eventually she felt him stir, and pulled herself away from him to stand up. He was looking at her apologetically, too embarrassed to acknowledge it but clearly feeling guilty for keeping her there all night. She didn’t say anything, she just leaned back down and kissed the top of his head, trying to put as much comfort into it as she could. He relaxed a little, and she stood back up, grasping one of his hands to pull him up with her as she stood. He followed her back inside and she headed for the kitchen. 

“Coffee?” she asked as she opened the cupboard and started making a pot. He nodded, sitting down at his kitchen table. Once the coffee was brewing she joined him at the table, head tilting to look at him. 

“Did you sleep ok?” she asked, finally acknowledging the somewhat embarrassing situation they’d woken up in. 

He lowered his eyes immediately. “I’m so sorry. I should have carried you to your bed when I realized you’d fallen asleep, I just …” She put her hand on his cheek, stopping his rambling. 

“Don’t apologize. Did you sleep ok?”

He nodded. “A lot better than I thought I was going to.”

She smiled at him. “That’s all I care about. I was perfectly comfortable. Obviously, since I fell asleep first.” 

He exhaled a slow sigh of relief, and Nora got up to pour them each a cup of coffee. They drank it in silence, not uncomfortable, not just not having anything else to say. 

“Why don’t you take a shower,” she suggested after they’d finished their coffee. “You’ll feel better.”

“Are you saying I smell?” he said, and the lighthearted tone to his voice was almost enough to make her cry in relief. 

She smiled at him, the smile turning into a laugh, and her heart almost stopped when he smiled back at her. She resisted the urge to throw her arms around his neck and hug him, instead giving him a sarcastic smirk. 

“Only a little.” He huffed out a small laugh and got up, heading out of the kitchen and towards his room. Nora followed him, stopping in his doorway as he pulled some clean clothes out of his dresser. 

“I’m going to call Dr. Adams. I think he’ll probably want to come see you. Is that ok?” Bucky just nodded, and Nora stepped out of his doorway and back into the guest room. She heard the shower turn on as she pulled out her phone, calling Bucky’s doctor and telling him everything that had happened. He told her he was going to cancel his morning appointments and to expect him in about an hour.

Bucky finished his shower and dressed, walking into the kitchen to find Nora washing the dishes from their morning coffee. He found some solace in the simple, domestic scene, sitting back down at the table to just watch her. She finished the dishes and turned back around, drying her hands on a dish towel.

“Dr. Adams is going to come over, he’ll be here in 45 minutes or so.” Bucky nodded, and Nora sat with him at the table. “Is there anything … do you want to talk? Or would you rather wait for Dr. Adams to get here? I can just sit with you, if you’d like.” He took her hand, suddenly so grateful for her calm presence, her genuine desire to give him what he needed.

“I don’t …” he began not really knowing what to say. “I want to talk, I just … everything just feels so muddled, it’s hard for me to make sense of it.” She squeezed his hand and stood, leading him to the couch and pulling him down to sit with her. 

“Just tell me something you remember,” she said gently. 

He closed his eyes. “I remember … the war. There was a group of us, we were called the Howling Commandos.” He smiled. “I remember sitting in a bar, going drink for drink with Dum Dum …” He suddenly looked at her in surprise. “Dum Dum was your grandfather!”

Nora smiled and gave Bucky a small nod. “I’ve heard a lot of stories about you sitting in bars with him,” she laughed. 

He squeezed her hand, glad to have that connection to his past. He spent the next 45 minutes just talking about random memories, whatever came up. Some from before the war, some from after he became the Winter Soldier. Those memories were harder for him, but the pain was eased a little bit by Nora’s steady presence. She didn’t judge him, she didn’t look at him in fear when he talked about the missions he remembered. She just scooted closer to him, curling her legs up under her on the couch and resting her arm along the back, her hand going to his neck to run her fingers through his hair, soothing him as he talked. 

He had just finished telling her what he remembered of one particular mission, which she was pretty sure was JFK’s assassination, when there was a knock on his door. He tensed immediately, but she rubbed a hand on his back as she stretched out her legs. 

“It’s ok, it’s probably just Dr. Adams.” She stood and answered the door to find Dr. Adams there, stepping aside to let him in. Bucky hovered anxiously in the living room, not knowing whether or not he really wanted to see the doctor. It was easy to talk to Nora, she already knew about the worst things he’d done, so he wasn’t afraid of her reaction when he talked about it. But he wasn’t sure he could bring himself to talk about it with Dr. Adams. He didn’t trust him like he trusted Nora. 

Nora led the doctor into the living room, and he took a seat in the armchair next to the couch. Bucky followed his lead and sat back down on the couch, wringing his hands together. Nora knelt in front of him and placed her hands over his. 

“I’m going to give you some privacy, ok. I need to go home and change, but I’ll be back in a little bit. Or I can call Steve, if you’d rather he come over.”

Bucky looked at her for a moment. “Can … can you both come over?” he asked tentatively. 

“Of course,” Nora said, rubbing her thumb over his metal hand. He exhaled slowly, and she stood. “I’ll be back.”

Nora left the two men in Bucky’s living room, her heart hurting for him, but feeling a little reassured that he at least had a support system, people who cared about him. She walked home and took a long shower, trying to just keep herself relaxed so she could be the calm presence she knew Bucky needed. One or two tears may have slipped out when she remembered how he’d looked at her when she first knelt in front of him in the training room, but the water from the shower rinsed them away and she ignored them. 

She got out of the shower, drying her hair and getting dressed before picking up the phone to call Steve.   
  


“Hey Steve,” she said when he answered, trying to keep her voice calm and relaxed. She knew this was hard for him, too. 

“ _ How is he? _ ” There was a tightness to Steve’s voice.

“He’s actually doing ok. He’s with Dr. Adams at the moment, I came home to give them some privacy. But I’m going back in a little bit, and Bucky asked me to see if you’d come over too.”

She heard Steve exhale. “ _ Of course I’ll come over. How long? An hour? _ ”

“An hour sounds just about right. I’ll see you then.”

“ _ Ok _ ,” he said, and she was just about to hang up when he spoke again. “ _ Nora? I’m really glad he has you _ .”

“Me too,” she said, and hung up. 


	19. Chapter 19

Nora got to Bucky’s apartment before Steve, Dr. Adams answering the door when she knocked. She walked in and saw Bucky sitting on the balcony, hunched over a notebook and writing furiously, pausing every now and then to look up in thought. 

Dr. Adams saw her watching him. “I suggested he keep a journal of everything he remembers. He didn’t really want to talk to me about his memories of his time as the Winter Soldier, but he said he’d talked to you a bit?” Nora nodded, turning back to look at the doctor. 

“I’m going to keep working with him to give him the tools to deal with what he’s been through,” the doctor continued. “But right now I think the most important thing is that he feels supported by the people that care about him.” Nora nodded, trying to keep her face neutral. Dr. Adams was Bucky’s therapist, but he was also her colleague; her subordinate, even, and she didn’t want to let too much of her own emotion out to him. 

Dr. Adams considered for a moment, then took a deep breath, taking a chance. “Dr. Dugan, if I may be so bold? You have a reputation for being … a bit of a loner.” She raised her eyebrows at him, and he faltered. “I just mean, well, I know that, while you’re a very nice person and always eager to help others in a professional capacity, you tend not to have the time or desire for personal relationships.” She remained silent, but her eyebrows rose even higher. He was just digging himself a deeper hole. He sighed. “My point is that you obviously care a great deal about Bucky. And he needs that. Don’t be afraid of it.”

She softened, realizing what Dr. Adams was getting at. “He knows I care about him.”

“He does,” Dr. Adams agreed. “But right now, he maybe needs extra reminders.”

“Ok,” she nodded. 

“I’ll be back tomorrow morning,” Dr. Adams said as he opened the door. “I don’t believe he’s a danger to himself, if he prefers to be alone, I think it’s safe to leave him. I don’t think that is what he would prefer, but just in case.”

“Thank you, Dan.”

Dr. Adams nodded at her and left. She walked through the apartment to the balcony, stopping to lean in the doorway. She knew Bucky had heard her come in, had probably heard the entire conversation she’d just had. He finished the paragraph he was writing and put the notebook down, standing to meet Nora in the doorway. 

“Sorry,” he said as he came over. “I wanted to get that all down while it was still in my head.”

“No need to apologize. How was talking to Dr. Adams?”

Bucky sighed. “It was tough. But necessary, I think. I mean, I know he’s my doctor and he can help me figure out how to deal with everything, it’s just … I don’t know, talking to him isn’t as easy as talking to you.”

Nora pushed off the door frame and stood up on her toes, wrapping her arms around Bucky’s shoulders to bring him into a hug. He felt tears sting his eyes. With the one notable exception of when he found her during their kidnapping, he had initiated every single hug they’d ever shared. He returned her embrace, tears sliding down his cheeks as she squeezed him tightly. With Nora’s arms around him, things didn’t seem so bad. Eventually he broke the hug, also the first time he’d pulled away from her instead of vice versa, and she brought her hands up to his face to wipe away the tears. He closed his eyes as her fingers touched his face and he sighed. He stood there for a moment, Nora’s thumb brushing over his cheek, feeling like nothing else in the world existed except the point of contact of her hand on his face. He was startled out of his trance by a knock on his door. He jumped slightly, and Nora removed her hand from his face, bringing it down to his arm to squeeze it gently. 

“That’s probably Steve.”

Bucky nodded and watched her cross to the door and open it, greeting Steve and stepping aside to let him in. He was glad to see Steve, but part of him desperately wanted to go back to that moment with Nora, to feel like they were the only two people on earth. 

Steve walked into the living room, and Bucky came in from the balcony to meet him there. 

“Hey, Steve,” he said, suddenly feeling a lot of feelings at seeing his best friend again. Steve hugged him, and then walked into the kitchen to deposit the grocery bag he’d brought in. 

“I’m gonna make lasagna,” he said as began unloading the bag. “Just like we used to have.”

Nora joined Bucky in the living room, putting her hand on his arm to turn him to face her. 

“I’m gonna give you some time alone. I think you need it,” she said quietly, and Bucky furrowed his brow, but nodded. 

“I’ll come back later if you want me to, just call me, ok?” 

“Ok.”

She took a step towards him, standing up on her toes again to wrap her arms around him. He returned the gesture, dropping his head onto her shoulder and crushing her to him. 

“Whatever you need, I’m here,” she whispered to him. “Not because I have to be, but because I want to be. Because you are my best friend and I care about you.” She felt him nod against her shoulder, and she pulled away, cupping his face in her hands. 

“I mean it, ok? You are  _ very _ important to me, so just tell me what you need and I will give it to you.” He looked at her, his blue eyes searching hers, and nodded again.

“Ok,” she said, dropping her hands and stepping back. “I’ll see you later.”

Steve came out from the kitchen just as Nora was walking out the door, and looked at Bucky questioningly. 

“She thought we needed some time alone.” 

Steve nodded. “She’s very perceptive. And she cares about you a lot.”

“I don’t know why,” Bucky said, shaking his head. “But I am so lucky to have her.”

“Come on,” Steve said, clasping Bucky’s shoulder. “Lasagna.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit starts to hit the fan.

The two men spent the afternoon together, reminiscing. The more he talked to Steve, the more Bucky’s memories of that time came back. Every now and then a memory would trigger that he didn’t want to talk about, so he’d step out onto the balcony to write it in his journal. Eventually nighttime rolled around, and both men were growing tired. Steve could sense that Bucky was ready to be alone, so he stood and got ready to leave. Bucky walked him to the door. 

“Call me if you need anything, ok?” Steve said, pausing in the doorway. 

Bucky nodded. “Thanks. This was … good.”

Steve hugged him quickly and opened the door. “Make sure you call Nora before you go to bed. She’ll be worried about you.”

“Thanks mom,” Bucky joked, but absolutely had every intention of calling Nora as soon as Steve left. Steve smiled and left, Bucky locking the door behind him. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed Nora’s number, again breathing a sigh of relief when she answered on the first ring.

“ _ Hey _ ,” she said as she answered. “ _ How are you _ ?”

“I’m good,” he replied, actually meaning it. “It was good to spend time with Steve. I’m gonna go to bed, I just wanted to say good night.”

“ _ Ok. I’ll leave my phone on in case you need anything later. Is it ok if I come over tomorrow morning _ ?”

“I would like that.”

“ _ Ok, I’ll see you tomorrow. _ ”

“Nora,” he said quickly, afraid she’s already hung up. 

“ _ Yeah? _ ”

“Thank you.”

“ _ You’re welcome. Good night, Bucky. _ ” 

He hung up the phone and got in bed, thinking about how lucky he was to have Steve and Nora. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bucky woke the next morning feeling not terrible. He’d had one nightmare, which was less than he’d been expecting, and while he hadn’t called Nora afterwards, the knowledge that he could have, and she would have answered, made him feel better. 

By 9am she was knocking on his door, and he opened it quickly, relaxing as her familiar presence made him feel less alone. She started to take off her coat, but he stopped her.    
  


“I was kind of hoping we could go for a walk. I just want to get out of my apartment for a bit,” he said, reaching for his own coat. 

“Of course,” she said, and they made their way out of his building towards the park a few blocks away. 

Neither said anything for a bit, both just content to be in each other’s company. Finally, Nora broke the silence with a question that had been bothering her for the past two days. 

“Do you feel like a different man now that you have your memories back? I mean, are you the same Bucky I know?”

He thought about it seriously for a moment, before nodding. “I’m certainly more the Bucky you know than the Bucky Steve knows. I imagine parts of my old self will start to come out more now, but I’m definitely not that man anymore.” He took her hand in his. “I’m still your best friend.”

She squeezed his hand, letting out a sigh of relief. She hadn’t realized how worried she’d been that he might be different now. They continued walking in silence, Nora stealing occasional glances at Bucky. He seemed better than he had even the day before, but there was still a lot of pain there. She wished there was something she could do to help him. 

She didn’t realize she’d furrowed her brow in concern at the thought until she tried to sneak another glance at him and found him watching her with one eyebrow raised. 

She sighed. “I wish there was something I could do to help you.”

He squeezed her hand. “You are helping me, I think even more than you know. I …” he hesitated, not sure if he should tell her this part. “One of the things I talked to Dr. Adams about was how I kept seeing the faces of my victims when I closed my eyes. That first night, I was really only able to get any sleep because you were there. I could focus on you instead of … well, anything else. So Dr. Adams said I should just keep doing that. When I close my eyes, I keep the thought of you firm in my mind, and it keeps everything else out.” 

She stopped walking as he finished, pulling his hand to turn him to face her. For a moment he was worried he’d told her too much, revealed too much about his true feelings for her, but then she stood up on her toes, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and holding him tightly. He relaxed as she hugged him, letting out a shaky breath and burying his face in her hair. They stayed like that for a long time, holding each other in the middle of the park as walkers and runners passed by them. Eventually Bucky pulled away, using his good hand to brush away the tears he was surprised to see running down Nora’s face. 

“Sorry,” she said, reaching up to wipe away the last of them. He took her hand, squeezing it to tell her no apology was necessary, and they made their way back to his apartment.

Bucky spent the next few days away from SHIELD while he tried to sort through his memories and come to terms with his past; Steve, Dr. Adams, and Nora all visited him every day. Nora was in her office one morning, just about to get ready to head to Bucky’s apartment, when she received a text message from him.    
  


_ Can you meet me in Fury’s office in fifteen minutes? _

_ Of course. Is everything ok? _

_ I’m ok. Just meet me there. _

Something was wrong, and her mind kept coming up with more and more outrageous scenarios as to why Bucky needed to see her and Fury. Finally, after 10 minutes of almost unbearable anxiety, she left her office and headed up towards Fury’s. She met Steve coming out of the elevator, the look on his face immediately telling her he’d received a similar text message. They turned the corner towards Fury’s office and a wave of panic ran over Nora. Nick Fury lay crumpled on the floor with a gunshot wound to the chest, Brock Rumlow hunched over him, hand on the wound trying to stop the blood flow. Nora raced down the hallway towards them, dropping to her knees and pushing Rumlow off to assess Fury’s wounds. She looked up at Rumlow in confusion. 

“Barnes shot him,” he said, standing. “I got here just in time to see him make a run for it.” Steve had made it to them just in time to hear Rumlow’s accusation, and it shocked him into immobility. He just watched as Rumlow took off down the hall, radioing the rest of Strike team to prep for a manhunt of James Barnes. 

Nora touched Steve’s leg and it jerked him back to reality. He knelt down on the other side of Fury, his face a mix of panic and disbelief as he looked at her. 

“Bucky didn’t do this,” Nora said as she put pressure back on Fury’s wound. “I know he didn’t. You need to find him. Before Strike team does.” Steve nodded, and stood, but before he could take off running, Nora grabbed his arm. 

“Steve … please don’t let anything happen to him.” He heard the tremor in her voice, saw the fear in her eyes, and he understood, even if she didn’t understand it herself yet.    
  
“I’ll bring him back to you,” he said, and he took off. 

Nora pushed her fear for Bucky aside and turned back to Nick. They had a plan for this. He’d given her specific instructions on what to do should there ever be an attempt on his life. She needed Maria Hill. 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm starting to follow the events of Captain America: Winter Soldier now (well, sort of), but I didn't want to get too bogged down in the specifics of the fight, since that's not my point here. So a lot of things in regards to that are kind of glossed over. If you're reading this, I assume you've seen the movie and know what's going on.

Steve knew he’d have to move fast, hoping that Bucky’s next stop would be his apartment and he could intercept him there. He sprinted for the garage, hopping on his motorcycle and speeding the five blocks to Bucky’s apartment. He knew Bucky would have to take more care not to be followed, so when he arrived to find the apartment empty, he hoped it was because he’d beaten him there. His hope proved accurate when, a few minutes later, he heard the door open and Bucky entered the apartment, on full alert and ready for a fight. He stopped when he saw Steve in the living room. 

“I didn’t shoot Fury,” he said before Steve could say anything. 

“I believe you. And we’re going to figure out what is going on. But we’re not safe here. Get what you need and let’s go.” Bucky nodded, relief coursing through him that Steve was there to help him, not hunt him, and he ran to his room to grab his tactical gear and the small supply of weapons he kept at home. Steve was still in civilian clothes, and Bucky decided that was the best way to remain inconspicuous, so he shoved everything in a backpack and ran back out into the living room. 

They headed for the front door, but just as they were about to open it they heard noises in the hallway, the low voice of Rumlow issuing orders to his men. Without hesitation the two men bolted for the balcony, not pausing as they jumped over the edge and onto the street, three stories below. There didn’t seem to be any Strike presence on the street, so they forced themselves to walk normally, but quickly, not speaking as they put more distance between themselves and Bucky’s apartment. 

Eventually they stopped, confident that, for the moment at least, no one was following them.

“Ok, Buck. What happened.”

Bucky looked at his friend, emotions raging. “It’s Hydra.”

“Hydra?” Steve said in shock. “Bucky, we destroyed them 70 years ago.”

Bucky shook his head. “Look, I don’t know everything, but I know it’s Hydra. I finally started to put some of the pieces together and I know that’s who I was working for. Remember Zola? He’s the one that gave me this,” he said, holding up his metal arm. “I finally put it together, that’s why I wanted you and Nora to meet me at Fury’s office.” A look of horror crossed over his face as soon as he said Nora’s name. “Is she ok? What happened to her? Oh god, does she think I shot Fury?”

Steve shook his head frantically. “It’s ok, Buck, she’s ok. We found Nick shot, Rumlow told us you’d done it, but Nora didn’t believe him. He took off after you before we could ask him any questions, but she knows you didn’t do it.”

He nodded, placated. “Rumlow, that’s him. He works for Hydra. As soon as I saw him, I recognized him. I got to Fury’s office to find him in the hallway, talking to Rumlow. He saw me recognize him and just turned and shot Fury. He turned the gun on me, told me that I was going to take the fall, so my best bet was to go back to Hydra. I just … I ran.” He looked at Steve, desperation, guilt, panic all evident in his face. “I didn’t know what to do.”

Steve put his hands on Bucky’s shoulders. “It’s ok, we’re going to figure this out. Come on, I have a friend that lives not far from here. Maybe he can help us.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nora and Hill had rushed Fury to the hospital. She’d administered him a dosage of Tetrodotoxin B before the paramedics had arrived, and by the time they got him to the hospital he appeared to be in cardiac arrest. Maria and Nora watched as doctors worked on him, finally calling time of death half an hour after arriving. 

It took some strongarming on Hill’s part to release Fury’s body, but they did, and she and Nora managed to get him to a secret bunker that Fury, ever paranoid, had set up years ago in case it was ever needed. 

Nora set up a makeshift hospital room, hooking Nick up to an IV and waiting for him to regain consciousness, while Maria went back to SHIELD, playing her part there while they tried to figure out what was going on. 

Nora sat at Fury’s bedside, forcing herself not to cry, while her world crumbled around her. She refused to believe Bucky had been the one to shoot Nick, but a small part of her was terrified that Nick would wake up and tell her that it was Bucky. She put the thought out of her mind, instead just focusing on the steady beep of Nick’s heart rate monitor. 

It didn’t take long for him to wake up, and she nearly cried in relief when he opened his eyes. 

“Where are we?” he asked, his voice scratchy. 

“Your secret underground bunker,” she said teasingly. 

He smirked. “See, you made fun of me for this, but I bet now you’re glad I had it ready.” She laughed, and then her face turned serious. 

“Nick … I need to know what happened.”

He sighed. “It was Rumlow. I was talking to him outside my office, and Barnes turned the corner. He saw Rumlow, and stopped dead, like he’d seen a ghost, like he’d seen Rumlow before. Before Barnes could say anything, Rumlow had his gun out and shot me.”

Nora had been holding her breath as Fury spoke, but when he identified Rumlow as the shooter, she let it out in a burst. “Rumlow said Bucky shot you. I didn’t believe him, but …”

Fury reached out to touch her hand, not saying anything but understanding how hard it must have been to hear Rumlow accuse Bucky. She blinked back tears.

“Maria went back to SHIELD, she’s going to try to figure out what’s going on. They issued a man hunt for Bucky, I just hope Steve gets to him first.”

“So we just have to sit here and wait,” Fury said, the annoyance evident in his voice. 

“I don’t like it any more than you do.”


	22. Chapter 22

Nora and Fury spent a tense night, waiting for updates from Hill. She’d let them know that SHIELD had expanded the man hunt to include Steve, and the next morning she reported back that Strike team had a bead on them. Her plan was to join Strike team when they went out to apprehend them, and bring them back to the bunker instead. Nora and Fury were forced to just continue to wait. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sam Wilson wasn’t entirely sure how’d he’d managed to get caught up in the shit that was currently going down, but it wasn’t like he was going to turn down Captain America’s request for help. So now he found himself captured, in the back of a van with Captain America, a terrifying dude with a metal arm, and two SHIELD Strike Team agents, one of whom kept threatening him with a stun gun. They rode in silence for a long time, until finally the van came to a stop, and without warning the agent with the stun gun turned it on the other Strike agent, knocking him out. 

Hill pulled off her helmet and took the cuffs off the three men before wordlessly pulling out a gun and shooting a hole in the bottom of the van. The four of them snuck out and made their way to another van that Maria had waiting for them a few blocks away. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nora paced back and forth next to Fury’s bed, her cell phone in her hand waiting for an update from Maria. It finally rang and she answered it before Fury could even register she was getting a call. 

“Did you find them?” she asked by way of a greeting. 

“ _ They’re safe. I’m bringing them to you now. _ ” She hung up without another word and Nora collapsed into a nearby chair. She’d spent the past day in absolute terror, but now that she knew Bucky was safe she felt like she could finally breathe again. Fury looked at her expectantly. 

“She’s bringing them in,” she said, the relief in her voice undeniable.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Where are we going?” Steve asked as Maria hung up the phone. 

“It’s not far. It’ll be easier to just show you.”

Steve and Sam sat back, more relaxed now. Hill was obviously on their side, so Steve was content to just sit back and wait to see what happened, Sam content to do what Steve was doing. Bucky was not so relaxed. He still had no idea where Nora was or what might have happened to her. He started to ask Maria, but, as much as Steve seemed to trust her, he didn’t really know her, and wasn’t sure he trusted any information she’d have for him, anyway. He resigned himself to just wait and see where they were going. Maybe someone there would have answers for him. 

They pulled up to a nondescript concrete building, Hill leading them inside and into an elevator. They came out of the elevator into a long hallway, and Bucky looked up as he heard a door open at the other end. It took a moment for him to register what was happening, but by the time his brain caught up with his eyes, Nora was running down the hallway towards him. 

“Nora,” he breathed, and took off towards her, stopping just in time to catch her as she took a flying leap into his arms. They held onto each other tightly, neither caring about the group down the hall watching them. 

“I didn’t kill Fury,” Bucky said into her hair, and he felt her nod. 

“I know,” she said through tears. “I never thought you did.” 

Steve, Maria, and Sam had paused at the elevator, giving them a moment, but eventually they had to begin making their way down the hallway. 

“Is that his girl?” Sam asked Steve as they watched Bucky put Nora back on her feet.

Steve chuckled. “Yeah, but neither of them seem to know that.” 

“Gotcha,” Sam said, a devious smile spreading across his face.

Nora stepped away from Bucky as the group approached, and Steve leaned down to give her a quick hug. 

“I told you I’d bring him back to you,” he said, and she smiled at him. 

Sam cleared his throat pointedly, and Steve chuckled. 

“Uh, Nora, this is Sam Wilson. He’s been helping us. Sam, this is Nora Dugan.” Nora extended her hand for Sam to shake, but instead he took her hand in both of his, raising it to his lips and giving her a lingering kiss on the back of the hand. 

“A pleasure,” he said as he let go, and pretended not to notice how Bucky’s jaw immediately clenched and he took an unconscious step towards Nora. Nora was used to blatantly flirtatious men, so she just assumed that was what Sam was like with everyone, brushing it off and taking Bucky’s hand as Maria led the group further down the hall and into the room Nora had come out of. 

Bucky and Steve had heard that the attempt on Fury's life had been successful, so to say they were shocked when they walked in to see him sitting at a table waiting for them was an understatement. Nora squeezed Bucky’s hand when she saw the look on his face, a mixture of shock and relief. 

“Everything’s going to be ok,” she whispered to him, and he squeezed her hand back as the group all sat down around the table. 

Bucky told Fury why he’d gone to see him that day, what he remembered about Hydra, and Rumlow. Steve brought them up to speed on everything they’d learned about Project Insight. They spent the rest of the day formulating a plan, before finally deciding they needed to sleep before trying to save the world the next day. 

Sam and Steve each found a bed in one of the various bedrooms Fury had included when he set up the bunker, and Fury and Hill went to go over some last minute details in the makeshift armory, leaving Bucky and Nora alone. She hadn’t let go of his hand since they’d been reunited. He looked at her closely, the exhaustion starting to show now that it was just the two of them. 

“How much sleep did you get last night?” he asked. 

“She didn’t,” Fury said as he walked back into the room, picking up a tablet he’d left on the table and walking back out.

Bucky looked back at Nora and she closed her eyes. “I just couldn’t sleep,” she said, a slight wobble to her voice. “Every time I closed my eyes, all I could think about was them getting a hold of you again, trying to turn you back into the Winter Soldier.”

Bucky slid his chair next to hers, sliding one arm behind her back and the other under her legs, picking her up and setting her on his lap like he’d done before. With everything that was happening, the thing that was keeping her awake at night was her fear for him, and he felt his heart stutter. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her, feeling the tension drain out of her as he did. Knowing that he was finally safe, feeling the comfort of his arms around her, the dam that Nora had been trying to keep intact for days finally burst. She shook against him as tears rolled down her cheeks, and he couldn’t stop himself from pressing a kiss to the side of her head. 

“It’s ok,” he said, rubbing her back gently. “I’m here.”

She took a shaky breath. “I thought I was going to lose you.”

“Never.”

He held her for a long time, until she finally pulled away, wiping her eyes and exhaling slowly. 

“You should sleep,” she said, her fingers brushing up and down the arm he still had securely wrapped around her waist.

“You should, too.” He said pointedly. “Do you have a room here?” 

She nodded, and he helped her up and followed her to the room that had been designated as hers. There was nothing but a bed and a chair. 

“I’ll sleep in the chair,” he said.    
  


“You don’t have to, there’s an empty room next door.”

He shrugged. “I don’t mind, I can sleep anywhere.” 

Nora wasn’t sure if he was offering to stay with her for her benefit, or for his, but either way, she wasn’t going to argue. She got in bed and Bucky sat in the chair next to it, scooting it close enough to the bed that he could put his feet up on it. Nora hadn’t realized how completely exhausted she was until she laid down, Bucky’s presence letting her relax enough to finally fall asleep. 


	23. Chapter 23

Nora woke the next morning with a feeling of dread. As relieved as she’d felt being reunited with Bucky, she was hit with a new wave of fear thinking about what was about to happen. She opened her eyes to find Bucky still in the chair next to her bed, awake. 

She sat up and ran her fingers through her hair. “Have you been awake a long time?”

“A little bit,” he replied. “I didn’t want you to wake up alone.” She looked at him, remembering how she’d said that to him the first night he’d been brought to SHIELD. The role reversal spoke volumes about the way their relationship had changed in the few months since they’d met. 

“We should get going,” she said, distracting herself from focusing on the way her feelings for him had also changed in the few months since they’d met. 

They joined Fury, Hill, Steve, and Sam in the common area, going over a few last minute details before they all separated to begin the plan. 

Nora would be going with Maria to the control room. Fury had tried to convince her to stay at the bunker, but she’d refused. There was no way she was going to sit there and wait while they all risked their lives. Bucky was worried about her, too, but had more faith in her than Fury did. He knew her capabilities. He’d been the one to teach her how to shoot, after all. 

They all rode up the elevator together, Fury immediately disappearing to begin his portion of the plan. Maria headed for the van, and Steve and Sam began heading towards the edge of the woods where they’d make their way to the Triskelion on foot. 

“Be careful,” Bucky said to Nora as the two of them stopped outside the bunker entrance. 

“I have the easy job. You’re the one who’s about to risk his life.”

“We’ve got this under control. Nora, please … if anything happened to you …” There was so much he wanted to say, he didn’t know where to start. 

“I’ll promise to be careful if you promise to be careful,” she said, bringing her hand up to cup his cheek. 

He nodded, and leaned down to hug her. They held each other for a long time, until they finally heard Steve shout from the tree line.    
  


“Bucky, we have to go.”

Nora pulled away, turning and heading to the van. Bucky joined Sam and Steve at the edge of the woods, and everyone went their separate ways. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It didn’t take the three men long to reach the Triskelion, and Sam flew off towards the helicarrier that he was responsible for. Steve was about to head off to his, when Bucky stopped him. 

“Steve,” he said, grabbing the other man’s shoulder before he could walk away. “I need you to do something for me.” Steve looked at him questioningly, concern in his eyes. 

“If something happens to me, if I don’t make it out of this … I need you to promise me you’ll keep Nora safe.” Steve sighed and opened his mouth to protest, but Bucky cut him off. “Steve, please. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure I come back, but I need to know that if I don’t, she’ll be ok.”

Steve was quiet for a moment, then he nodded. “Ok, but you have to promise me something as well.” Bucky nodded. “If you do make out of this, you have to promise me you’ll tell Nora how you feel about her.” 

Bucky lowered his eyes and shook his head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes you do.”

Bucky brought his eyes back up to Steve’s, facing off with him for a moment before realizing that Steve was not going to relent. He sighed, and nodded. Steve clapped him on the shoulder, and turned and headed towards the second helicarrier. 


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was directly influenced by the final battle on the third helicarrier at the end of Captain America: Winter Soldier, except with Bucky instead of Steve.

The fight had not been easy. It was hard to tell friend from foe, but those loyal to SHIELD had had their backs. Sam and Steve had both replaced the chips in their respective targeting systems; it was down to Bucky now. 

“We only have two minutes,” Maria shouted over the comms as Bucky fought the Hydra agents in his way. He knocked the last man out and looked up at the targeting computer, 20 feet above him. 

“Bucky,” he heard Nora’s calm voice over the comms. “One minute.” Nora’s name had been on the list of Insight targets. He was not letting this happen. Ignoring his injuries, he took a running jump to grab the railing above him, hauling himself up and over, grabbing the railing above that and doing it again. 

He had the chip in his hand, ready to replace the one in the targeting computer, when he felt a searing pain rip through his abdomen. He collapsed to the ground, turning in shock to see that last Hydra agent, weapon still aimed at him. 

“Five seconds, Bucky.” If he was going to die, he was going to make sure Nora lived. He forced himself up and replaced the chip. 

“Done,” he said over the comms, ducking to avoid another shot from the Hyrdra agent below him. 

“Ok, Bucky, come back to me now,” Nora said, and Bucky closed his eyes. 

“Fire now,” he said. 

“No, Bucky, you’ve got to get out of there,” he heard the fear in Nora’s voice. 

“I can’t,” he said. “Just fire.”

Maria looked at Nora, sympathy on her face, and punched in the launch code.

“No,” she screamed as the three helicarriers fired on each other. Maria didn’t say anything, she just took Nora’s hand and pulled her out of the control room to where Fury was waiting for them in a helicopter. He brought them down to the edge of the river and they got out, watching as the helicarriers destroyed each other and fell into the river. 

They were so preoccupied with the scene in front of them, they almost didn’t notice, twenty feet down river, Steve Rogers swim up to the shore dragging an unconscious Bucky Barnes with him. 

Steve pulled Bucky out of the river and Nora was by his side in an instant, assessing his wounds and jumping into action. She was vaguely aware of Sam calling for an ambulance, but all she could focus on was Bucky. Paramedics arrived and loaded him into the ambulance, allowing Nora to ride with him. Once they got to the hospital they wouldn’t let her into surgery with him, so she was forced to sit and wait for what would be the longest four hours of her life. 


	25. Chapter 25

Bucky was unconscious for three days. Nora had left Steve, Maria, and Fury to deal with the aftermath of the fight, refusing to leave Bucky’s side. Tony Stark had come by the hospital the first night, offering Nora a job and using his pull to get them to allow her to stay with Bucky. 

“As soon as he’s back on his feet, there’s a place for you at Stark Industries. Barnes, too. I’ll have apartments set up for both of you by the time you get here, and a lab and full team for you.”

“Thank you,” she said, still a little shaky, and he left. Steve came in from where he’d been waiting in the hall. 

“Are you going to take him up on his offer?” he asked Nora they sat on either side of Bucky’s bed.

She nodded. “I don’t really have anywhere else to go.” She’d said goodbye to Nick about an hour previous. He was going underground. He promised he’d be in touch once it was safe, but his departure meant she was alone. “But I’m not going anywhere until he’s better.”

She didn’t leave Bucky’s hospital room for the next two days, sleeping only a few hours at a time. Steve came and went, having to deal with the political fallout of everything that had happened. On the third day, Nora was at the peak of her exhaustion, and Steve could see that. 

“Why don’t you go home and rest?” he asked. She shook her head. 

“My entire apartment has been packed up and shipped to Stark Tower in New York. I don’t have a home to go back to right now. Besides, I need to be here when he wakes up.”

Steve sighed. “Ok. Why don’t I go get us some coffee, then?” He stood and walked out the door, and Nora moved her chair closer to Bucky’s bed, taking his hand in hers.

She was exhausted, scared, alone, and she just couldn’t bear the thought of losing Bucky. She felt tears start to sting her eyes as she rubbed her thumb over his hand. 

“Please wake up, Bucky. Please. I can’t lose you. I know you’re tired, you’re so tired, but I love you and I need you to wake up for me.” With that confession the tears came rushing out. She stood and walked over to the window, crying quietly, until she heard movement behind her.

“Nora,” she heard as she spun around to see Bucky’s eyes open and his arm reaching for her. She let out a small sob and rushed to the side of the bed, taking his hand and clutching it to her. 

“Hey,” he said, moving over to allow her room to sit on the edge of the bed. “Why the tears?”

She shook her head, unable to form words, but she let go of his hand to wipe the tears off her face. Bucky brought his own hand up to cup her cheek, his thumb gently brushing over her skin. 

“It’s ok,” he said. “Everything’s going to be ok now.” She just nodded, still not trusting herself to speak, and he took both her hands in his. They sat in silence for a few minutes, just looking at each other, when they were both startled by Steve’s appearance in the doorway. 

“Oh my god, Bucky,” he said, putting the coffee cups down and sitting in the chair by the bed. Bucky forced himself to look away from Nora and over to Steve. 

“Hey Steve,” he said. 

Nora pulled her hands out of Bucky’s and stood, wiping the remaining tears off her face. “I, um, I’m sure you guys want some time alone. I’ll … uh …” she faltered, realizing she had nowhere to go. 

Steve spoke up. “I just talked to Stark. He’s set up a room for you in the hotel next door. It’s yours until you’re ready to leave for New York. Just give them your name at reception.” Bucky looked at him, confusion and worry on his face, but Nora just nodded. She squeezed Bucky’s hand one last time and left. 

“New York?” Bucky asked once she was out of the room.

“SHIELD has collapsed, Fury’s gone underground, we all need to figure out what to do next. So she’s going to work for Stark Industries. So am I. So are you, if you want to. He’s already got a place set up for you there, we were just waiting for you to wake up.”

“How long have I been out.”

“Three days.”

Bucky sighed. “Well, that explains why she was so upset.”

“She hasn’t left your room since you were brought in. Stark pulled some strings and got them to let her stay here. She hasn’t left your side. I’ve been making sure she’s at least been eating, and I managed to convince her to get a couple hours of sleep. She’s pretty stubborn.”

Bucky chuckled. “I know.”

“I kept my end of the deal. It’s your turn now.”


	26. Chapter 26

Nora spent the remainder of that day and the following morning coordinating with movers to get Bucky’s apartment packed and sent to New York. They hadn’t wanted to presume anything, but once he’d woken up and agreed to go to work for Stark with the rest of them, she got moving. After what she’d confessed to him while he was still unconscious, it was easier than facing him. She wasn’t sure if he’d heard, or remembered, what she’d said. But she was terrified she’d messed things up. 

Bucky’s injuries were mostly healed by the time he woke up, so he was released the next day. Steve called Stark to let them know they were ready to head to New York, and he told them his private jet was already waiting for them at the airport. Steve, Sam, Bucky, and Nora sad their last goodbyes to D.C., and boarded.

Bucky took a seat next to Nora, and Nora breathed a small sigh of relief. They hadn’t really talked since he’d woken up, but the fact that he’d chosen the seat next to hers meant things couldn’t be that different. Maybe he hadn’t heard her after all. 

The plane started taxiing down the runway, and Nora’s anxiety peaked. She hated to fly. She closed her eyes and tried to take calming breaths as her hands gripped the armrests. Bucky noticed.

“Hey,” he said, putting a hand on her arm. “Are you ok?”

She nodded. “I just don’t like to fly.”

He put his arm around her and she immediately relaxed. They didn’t speak much during the flight, both content to just be with each other for the time being. Bucky was aware of Steve and Sam watching them, noticing the way Bucky’s arm tightened around her when she leaned her head on his shoulder, but he ignored them. After a short flight, they landed in New York and deplaned, heading through the terminal at La Guardia. Tony had told them someone would be there to get them, but they were all a little surprised to see Tony himself standing outside of baggage claim holding a sign that read “Star Spangled Crew”. Steve sighed. 

“Tony,” Steve said in greeting, shaking Tony’s hand. He introduced him to Sam and Bucky, and then Tony immediately turned his attention to Nora as the group headed out to the parking lot.

“Dr. Dugan, we’re all very excited to have you join Stark Industries,” he said as he fell into step beside her. 

“You are?” she said, a little surprised. She assumed the job offer had been more of a favor to Steve and Fury than out of any real desire to have her work for him.

Tony nodded. “Banner’s gonna go full on fan-girl when he meets you.”

“Bruce Banner? Bruce Banner is familiar with my work?”

“Oh yeah, he’s a huge fan of your work on integrative tissue regeneration. Wait til you see your lab.”

They reached the parking lot and climbed into Tony’s limo. 

“I have apartments set up for all of you in Stark Tower, let me give you a brief tour of the building,” he said, pulling up a holo-schematic from his phone. 

“First two floors are reception and security. I think Pepper might have an office down there as well. The next seven or so floors are residential. Boys, you all have apartments on the 5th floor, Dr. Dugan, your apartment is on the 6th floor.”

“Why are we on the 5th floor and she’s on the 6th floor,” Sam asked curiously.

“Apartments on the 6th floor are bigger.” Sam glared at Tony but said nothing.

“Next chunk of floors are weapons and armor storage, shooting range, etc. Then we have our training floors - gym, pool, yoga studio … the rest of the building is all R&D. Dr. Dugan -”

She cut him off. “Please, call me Nora.”

“Nora, your lab and office comprise the 40th floor,” he said, showing her the schematic of her new work space.

“The whole floor?!” she asked in shock.

Tony nodded. “You’re in the private sector now, Doc. You also have three lab assistants, but they don’t start until next week. I figured I’d give you some time to get settled. That’s your playground. Do whatever work you want, you don’t answer to anyone but me.”

Nora sat back in shock. She hadn’t really thought about what kind of work she’d be doing for Stark, but she certainly hadn’t expected to just be given carte blanche to work on anything she wanted. She let out a small laugh, and saw Bucky looking at her, pride in his eyes. They never really talked about her work, but to see Tony Stark, one of the smartest and richest people in the world, be so obviously impressed by her, it was hard for him not to be proud of her. 

They reached Stark Tower and Tony showed them all to their various new apartments. Nora left Bucky at the door to his with a quick hug and a promise to see him the next day. He’d been hoping to spend a little more time with her than that, but Tony was already ushering her away to show her her new lab. He supposed it was for the best; he had a promise to keep, and needed to figure out what he was going to say. 

The next day, Bucky found Nora puttering around her new lab. He stood in the doorway for a moment, smiling as he watched her excitedly rearranging equipment. He’d spent a long time the previous night trying to figure out what to say to her, but ultimately decided he would just be honest, and let what was going to happen happen. He cleared his throat to get her attention, and she turned to the door, a huge smile crossing her face when she saw it was him. 

“Hey,” she said, taking the few steps to meet him as he came into the lab. 

“New lab,” he said conversationally. “Big step up from the old lab.”

“Kind of makes having my entire world uprooted a little more worth it.”

She’d said it jokingly, but Bucky could see a little pain behind her eyes. 

“Are you doing ok?” he asked. “I mean, with Fury leaving, and having to move … your entire world just got rearranged in the space of one week.”

“I’m ok. I mean, at least I have a place here. And I still have you.” She looked at him hopefully, and he wrapped his arms around her. 

“Always,” he said, and he felt her sigh. This felt like as good a moment as any to tell her. He took a deep breath and opened his mouth to begin, when they were both startled by a knock on the door. They pulled away from each other to see Tony standing in the doorway. 

“Good news, we’re having a ‘Welcome to New York’ party tonight, the Star Spangled Crew will be the guests of honor. Cocktail attire recommended, so I hope you own nicer clothes than what I’ve seen you wear so far, Barnes.” And he was gone.

Nora sighed, and Bucky looked back at her in consternation. “I think I have to go shopping.”

She laughed, and made her way to the elevator. “Me too.”

The opportune moment had clearly passed, so Bucky let it go and went in search of Steve, hoping the other man knew where he could get a nice suit on such short notice.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There will probably be a smutty companion piece to this eventually, but for now it just sort of fades to black ...

Steve had, in fact, been able to help Bucky find a suit, and he now sat next to Steve at the bar, the party in full swing, wearing a slim cut black suit and dark green shirt, a black leather glove over his metal hand. He’d been pleased to learn that “cocktail attire” now meant he could do without a tie; he’d always hated ties. He drummed his fingers on the bar nervously and took a sip of whiskey, sighing. 

“You know,” he said. “The super strength is great, better than average hearing and eyesight, I’m on board with all of those. But the enhanced metabolism …” he shook his head. “I just wish I could get drunk.”

Steve laughed, taking a sip of his own drink. “I know, man. I know.” He looked at Bucky thoughtfully. “Are you going to tell her tonight?”

“I tried to tell her this morning, but Stark interrupted us before I could get anything out.” He sighed. “I don’t know, maybe I should just keep it to myself. I’m all she has left, I don’t want to ruin what we already have and leave her completely alone.”

Steve put his drink down and turned to face Bucky. “As maybe the world’s leading authority on waiting too long, don’t. What you guys have …” He looked sad for a moment. “All I know is, if I had someone that looked at me the way Nora looks at you, I wouldn’t let that go.”

They were silent for a moment, neither really knowing what to say, when Bucky’s attention was drawn to the stairs as he saw Nora arrive. She was also in green, a silk knee length dress that moved in waves around her as she walked. Her hair was down, rather than in a knot on top of her head like she normally wore it, and Bucky’s hands twitched with the desire to run his fingers through it. 

She made eye contact with him and waved, but before he could reach her, Tony was there, sweeping her away to introduce her around the room as his new head of biotech research. Nora spent the next hour making small talk with strangers while Bucky sat at the bar and watched, people drinking and dancing around them. A slow song came on, and Bucky glanced over to where Nora was chatting with Bruce Banner just in time to see Steve insert himself into the conversation, giving Nora an excuse to finally break away. She headed straight for Bucky, and he stood up to meet her halfway. He’d been in a lot of terrifying situations in his life, seen things no man should ever see, but he’d never felt fear quite like what he felt when he reached Nora.

“Will you dance with me?” 

She smiled, surprised, but nodded. “I would love to.”

He took her hand and led her to the dance floor, taking her free hand and placing it on his shoulder, then wrapping his arm around her waist. He pulled her close to him, close enough that he could lean his head against hers, closing his eyes as he did. She slid her hand towards the back of his neck, bringing her fingers up to tangle in his hair in the way she knew he loved. 

They swayed to the music, tuning out the rest of the world, and Nora found herself wondering what was happening. They’d been close to each other like this before, but it had never felt so charged. This was different, and her heart fluttered in a combination of hope and fear. The song came to an end and Bucky pulled his head back, keeping his arm around her. 

“Can we …” he hesitated. “Can we talk?”

She nodded, a knot forming in her stomach. This was either going to be very good, or very bad, and she was terrified. He took her hand and led her out of the party, towards the elevators. They rode the elevator in silence, Bucky rubbing his thumb over her hand but not looking at her. They got off on his floor and he opened the door to his apartment, finally letting go of her hand as the walked out onto his balcony. She followed. 

She’d hoped, given the way he’d been holding her hand, that maybe he was about to tell her he had feelings for her, too. But now, seeing him lean on the edge of the balcony, wringing his hands the way he did when he was really stressed, she thought it was going to go the other way. Maybe he had heard her that day in the hospital, and now had to tell her he didn’t feel the same way. She would just have to face it.

“Bucky?” she said, her voice full of anxiety, and he turned to face her. He took two steps towards her, taking both her hands in his. 

“I’ve been thinking about how to say this, and …” he sighed. “My life used to be defined by pain, and terror, and violence … and fear. Until I met you. You helped me become a person again, and I … I don’t want to lose you, but I have to be honest with you.” He took a deep breath, and she steeled herself. “I love you.”

Nora closed her eyes, one tear slipping out. She’d been so prepared for him to say the exact opposite, she couldn’t help the well of emotion that overflowed. “Say that again, please.”

He reached up to brush away the tear. “I love you. And it’s ok if you don’t love me back, we can continue on just as we are, I just needed you to know.” 

She opened her eyes and tilted her head at him, seeing the raw emotion on his face. “Bucky,” she said, moving closer to him. “Of course I love you. Did you really not know?”

He let out a shaky breath, sliding one arm around her waist and bringing the other hand up to cup her cheek. He leaned down to rest his forehead against hers. 

“I hoped. But I didn’t think, in a million years, I could ever deserve your love.”

She brought her hands up to brush his hair out of his face, dropping them down to rest on his neck. “You deserve all my love,” she whispered, and he leaned down to bring his lips to hers. He stopped millimeters away, eyes searching hers for any reluctance, so she closed the distance between them and pressed her lips to his. He immediately tightened his arms around her as she kissed him, clutching her to him as he ran his tongue over her lips. They pulled apart, both breathless, and he leaned down to sweep an arm under her legs, picking her up and carrying her into his bedroom. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hours later, she lay on his chest, head over his heart as he dragged his fingers up and down her spine. 

“I told you I loved you, you know,” she said quietly. “In the hospital, just before you woke up.” 

He raised his head to look at her in surprise. “Wait, what did you say?”

She nuzzled against him, placing a kiss to the hollow of his throat. “I asked you to wake up. I said ‘I can’t lose you. I know you’re tired, but I love you and I need you to wake up for me’. And then you did.”

He tightened his arm around her and closed his eyes as a tear slipped out to roll down the side of his face. “I thought I was dreaming.”

She reached up to wipe away the tear and shook her head. “Not dreaming. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you while you were awake. I was too afraid to lose you.” She sighed. “Thank god you’re braver than I am.”

He chuckled slightly. “I’m not, really. I only told you because Steve made me.”

She lifted herself off his chest to look at him, one eyebrow raised. 

“Just before we got to the Triskelion, I made him promise me that if I didn’t make it out alive, he’d keep you safe. He said he would, but only if I promised him that if I  _ did _ make it out alive, I’d tell you how I really feel. I lived, so I had to keep my promise. I thought I’d been doing such a good job at keeping my feelings hidden. I think I gave myself away when Wilson kissed your hand and I had to put serious effort into not punching him.”

Nora laughed. “Looking back, I’m pretty sure he did that to mess with you.”

He wrapped his arms tight around her, placing a kiss to the top of her head. “Doesn’t matter. You’re mine now, right?”

“I’ve always been yours.”


End file.
